So you stumbled across my girlfriend's lost cell phone at a bar on Monday night. The decent thing to do would have been to return it to the staff there, so it could have been returned to her with no issues. But you are not a decent person, so you entertained yourself until the wee hours of the morning harassing her entire address book with smutty texts and pictures that were not yours to see or send. Hope you enjoyed yourself, and that you had a good laugh at your own childish antics. What you managed to do was embarrass her, violate her privacy, and prove that you are a total dick. If I could find you I'd punch you right in the neck, but since I can't I'll just hope that karma comes around your way. Preferably in the form of pubic lice or some equally uncomfortable ailment. You're lucky that our friends are understanding. I'm sure that you have very few.
The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.