This Week in the Mercury

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Talking Pop with Chvrches' Lauren Mayberry

Of Buffy, Goonies, and a Kick-Ass Sophomore Album

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Ask a Pot Lawyer

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Thursday, July 12, 2012

The Crows Must Love You

Posted by Anonymous on Thu, Jul 12, 2012 at 7:54 AM

Why must you people eat in public? And no, I'm not talking about some patio or restaurant, I'm talking about walking down the street while you stuff your face with whatever grease-ladened delicacy you managed to get your grubby paws on. The look on your face, the look of pure satisfaction, disgusts me. Why am I disgusted when I see you take a huge bite with your eyes closed? Food falling to the ground while you eat with such cavalier disregard for the long-lost concept of a polite society. This isn't your kitchen or living room, it would be nice if you displayed even a semblance of what one might call manners. But no, you walk throughout this town, saving your meal time for all the world to see. To have that kind of freedom must be liberating, to eat as if no one is watching, to take a massive bite as if it's your last, to enjoy a public meal with such fervor. Our society is crumbling, like a thin tortilla shell of a foil-wrapped burrito being ripped apart by a mouth filled with crooked dirty teeth, pieces of food spinning in mid-air for only a second until finally resting on our city streets for all the crows to eat. Thanks for doing your part to ruin my day.

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