[Editor's Note: Our moratorium on bicycle related rants has come to an end—but please remember why we enforced it in the first place. Too much of anything is BORING. If you are wondering if your point of view about something has already been expressed, read 20 or so submissions. THANK YOU!]
Hey boy. You looked real cute the other day, riding your bike down Alberta Street. I love a man who loves danger. All cyclists know that there are lines of cars zipping through this hip arts district, and we all know that Going Street, a designated bike path, is only a couple blocks south. But boy, oh boy, if you hadn't been riding down Alberta on a crowded summer day, without a helmet on to show off your super cool unwashed hair, I wouldn't have noticed you. Hell, no one would have noticed you, because who the fuck rides down Going with a helmet to protect their brain when you can look WAY hotter riding through a crowded hip arts district? Mm. I love a man with no brain. Keep on diverting traffic, baby, because you are way too cool for Going.