I run a dinky little ride. Yes, it’s overpriced, yes, it’s frivolous and unnecessary. I totally understand that you don’t want to blow your hard-earned money on something your kid will probably forget about in ten minutes and might not even enjoy all that much. I also get that some just can’t afford it. That makes sense. What doesn’t make sense is the ridiculous lengths you go to in order to avoid just telling your kid NO. “You’re not big enough,” (they are), or “You’ll get motion sick,” (nobody ever has), or “It’s too scary!” (please). What are you, afraid of your six-year-old? Sometimes, just for fun, I like to chime in and point out that everything you’re telling your kid is not true. Usually that’s when you mouth the words “I know” or put a “hush-hush” finger up to your lips, followed by an eye-roll and a smile, like I’m in on your little joke. Seriously? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! It’s not a joke to bring another human being into the world. It’s not a joke to treat them with disrespect simply because they’re too young to call you out. Having a trusted authority figure lie to them in such a casual and consistent manner will probably manifest itself really nicely once your little angel hits puberty. You deserve every single grey hair they’re gonna give you, asshole, ten times over. I hope their teenage years are hell for you, but mostly I hope they don’t turn out to be half as thoughtless and lazy as their parents. Grow up.
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