I'm going to take your advice. I'm going to "man up".
I'm going to be brash and arrogant.
I'm going to buy a grill, and burn the fuck out of everything I cook.
I'm going to assert my manliness by bottling in every shred of emotion and make fun of guys who don't do the same.
I'm going to sell my hippie bike and buy a rusted truck off Craigslist.
I'm going to register Republican because real men don't need handouts.
I'm going to occasionally shove my girlfriend when she antagonizes me, because real women know that's how we real men prove we really care.
I'm never going to ask for directions.
I'm going to pre-emptively criticize anyone who I feel is a threat to my manliness.
I'm going to be cold, because I'm deep and mysterious like all real men are. If you try to get me to open up I'll refuse, because my manliness is real.
I'm going to paint my face on game day.
I'm going to lie to you. A lot. Honesty is for fags, and I'm a man.
I'm going to cheat on you, because real men don't fall in love, we just want to spread our manly seed.
I'm going to make fun of vegetarians. Everyone will laugh when I declare salad to be "food for pussies". Man up.
I'm going to start collecting shot glasses.
I'm going to buy a set of tools and a lawnmower, and never use either.
My manliness will be so intense you'll forget that my cock is 3 inches when hard. Come and get some, ladies. I'm a Real Man.
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