To all Portland Patrol "Officers": Leave me and my wife alone! I'm so damn sorry we have to sleep on the streets. You think we like it??? Can you not see we are people just like you? How in the hell can you justify the things you do? We try to find a nice little doorway away from all the 'real' people. We are completely self-contained. We bother no one. We leave no trace. We just want to get some sleep man. Every night one of you wakes us up in the middle of the night, threatens to call the police for trespassing, and completely makes a fool out of himself. They act like freaking robots—it's the middle of the night! No one is around you freaks!!! How can they enforce such arbitrary rules and act like you're actually doing something for the money they earn. All you guys do is ride around on your little bikes with your little helmets and shuffle the homeless from one doorway to another. Where the hell do they get such an ego? I just can't fathom the thought of screwing with people who are causing NO disturbance in the middle of the damn night. I would feel like the biggest asshole on the world for acting the way you guys do! Oh God—I'm SO sorry we're the scourge if the earth. I can't believe people actually get paid for achieving absolutely NOTHING!!! Until I get my student loans and pay my landlord what I owe my wife and I will be there EVERY night. I'm SO sorry we have no place else to go. Why don't set yourselves on fire and die. Whoever pays you, stop the checks! Damn!
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