My fellow Americans, I'd like to thank you for your support. I want to say that it was a hard fight we fought, and all the money in the world (literally) just wasn't enough. I fought for freedom, liberty and justice and we would have made America great, by going back to same old failed Republican policies that you were somehow ok with. I want to thank you for swallowing all of my lies, following me like sheep and backing my immoral behavior. I'm sure when you were pressed for details from friends and family regarding my plans and policies, you happily regurgitated my talking points. Perhaps when you were pressed beyond the talking points, your brows furrowed and you were at a loss for words, like a deer in the headlights. Oops, I mean sheep. When I talked about the 47%, you were just too dumb to figure out that I was talking about you. When I made a fool of myself overseas, you just pointed to Obama and all his foreign policy failures, of which there were none. You were my ignorant little children and I thank you for supporting me. I want you to keep your heads up high and look on the bright side, like 4 more years of complete obstruction by our Republican congress, we're (the 1%) still in good hands, do not fret. And don't worry about me, I'll be just fine making multi-millions shipping more American jobs overseas, avoiding taxes and living a life none of you ever will. Missouri is the holy land and my religion, which no one could talk about, is really freaky. -Mitt Romney
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