I (May Have) Impregnated My Sister

Comments

1
This might be a question for reddit.
2
this is definitely a question for askreddit.
3
She's probably just late. If you're really worried, you can "accidentally" punch her in the uterus.
4
incestuous insemination via toilet seat gets a bum rap these days -- nothing to be ashamed of, I,A.

it's the only considerate, dignified, ethical way to commit incest -- you two should hold your heads up high and be proud of your incest-baby and all of its likely deformities.

and, not to worry: i hear that the rnc is considering putting forth a bill that grants toilet-incest-babies the same rights that legitimate-rape-babies now enjoy.

and, man: props to your sperm, bro. seriously.
5
also, i need to sell my alchemy set and my money-tree seeds -- you interested? -- they both make good investments if you're expecting an impossible baby.
6
Unless your cum is crawling like a slime mold, I think you're in the clear. If it *is* crawling like a slime mold, you really have to make a movie for next year's HUMP!
7
lol Gresham
8
You're gonna have to marry your sister.

Tough break.
9
The world loves a flipper-baby.
10
Not only are you worried about some sort of bizarre un-immaculate conception with your sister, but said event was the result of you pleasuring yourself after watching "that one bowling movie with Bill Murray"?

Kids today...
11
I believe that sperm can only survive for about 30 seconds outside of the body and still be viable. So, if this is a legitimate post, I'm pretty sure that you have nothing to worry about.
12
Kayb is right. Side note, stjohnsrules got the mercury boot. He's toast. Yay!
13
GeoLiquor: What do you mean by the "mercury boot"?
14
@ geo:

really? if that's true, they should write a post about it on blogtown, showcasing some of the highlights of his career, and some stats about the number of words he used, etc.

but, really? they kicked him out? i'll kind of miss him. harsh. the rest of you guys are boring in comparison.
15
What do you have to do to get banned around here? Did he start making threats or something? Seriously, looking at the TOS, I see... that this blog itself violates them. WTF?

If anyone misses SJR, I can always try to do an impression, *cough cough* *ahem*:

"You stupid liberal, I am virile and manly! Your penis is small! Fear my large penis! Liberal! I frequently have sex! Hahaha!"

Pretty good, yes? *golf clap* Thank you, thank you.
16
kay_b...according to the mayo clinic, sperm can survive outside of the body for a few hours.

I'd like the thank all the little people, especially Al Gore and his intraweb.
17
BokChoy: Wuuut. That's crazy!
18
Okay, so Bok Choy is right, according to several sources sperm can survive for a few hours outside of the body.

However, I seriously doubt that sitting on a toilet seat is enough to get a lady pregnant. Toilet seat to cervix is an incredibly long travel, and it's not realistic to believe that the sperm can make that trip on it's own.

So either way, I'm sure the OP is safe.
19
Really? No more SJR? I'd love to read the post that got him banned! Oh, and about the super-sperm... She's probably just late, it seems impossible to get preggers from toilet seat sperm.
20
Re: SJR, Nothing dramatic. He got a couple warnings about aggressive trolling, and kept doing it. I got tired of cleaning up comment thread messes.
21
Great big group hug for Alison Hallett!

...but maybe on a page that has less crawling slime mold splooge on it.
22
thanks spaceman. if I'm impregnated by a comment thread i'm gonna be maaaaad.
23
Your sister couldn't have gotten pregnant that way. Since she hasn't had sex with anyone, the only rational explanation is that she was impregnated by a god, most likely Zeus (Zeus does this kind of thing all the time). What this means is that your niece or nephew is is a demigod. That may sound totally awesome, but here's a word of advice: never piss the kid off.
24
Best IA eva!
25
Is SJR really gone? I really liked how he owned Geo in a thread. He posted some funny shit.
26
This place will be boring without SJR. I hope he comes back soon....
27
I see SJR has resorted to posting comments under different names. Nice try SJR... but very sad. You do know that they can see your IP address, right? Best watch whatcha say!
28
If she's hot, you just might as well go ahead and fuck her now.
29
She ought to have no trouble getting dates now if she is fun, trouble free!