Seriously, WHAT THE F*CK?! As is customary after a long day of hot rodding around and flexing my stiffy, I’m enjoying my lolly pop ride home with a box of candies and all the sudden I have to dodge your oblivious, pathetic and ignorantly repeated attempts to wreck me on my bicycle; splitting lanes to jump in front of me and slam on the brakes (I skid and swerve around), running me into the curb (I hop onto the sidewalk and high-five a pedestrian), driving ONTO the sidewalk and braking (I pee a little and slip back into the street). Terrified witnesses dial 911 as they watch you’re drunk ass swerve all over the road forcing other drivers into oncoming lanes and onto sidewalks to avoid being hit by your piece of shit as we all commute home. Yes, I was riding my bike in the street. Doing so keeping pace with traffic and staying on the shoulder. Maybe it was my hella bright and blurry lights that set you off or perhaps it was my stripiest turbo socks, shredded ink covered legs, and pig tails. It was after all MY fault right?! I hope your jail time is as short as your temper after the way you yelled at the police before they kindly chauffeured you away to the Butt Buddy Inn. BTW, even while spinning on my loaded down and “brakeless” fixie, YOU MISSED ME. *PFTHT* And I still have all my gum drops AND lolly pop. Suck it you limp dick fuck-
Whiskey Prick
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Ugh. Just the fucking lame lingo you use, I immediately side with the driver.
“As is customary after a long day of hot rodding around and flexing my stiffy”– yes, i agree with arenit on this one.
And not a single reference to Pabst. Shame.
A few points because I’m desperate for distraction:
1. You can say “fuck.” “F*CK” is not a word.
2. What is a “lolly pop ride”? Probably nothing.
3. It’s “all of a sudden” not “all the sudden”
4. If you high-fived a pedestrian, that’s not relevant to the story you’re attempting to tell. Most people who high-five each other are douche bags, mentioning it later quadruples it.
5. There’s no difference between driving “onto” the sidewalk and driving “ONTO” it except that the latter is more annoying to read.
6. When you say “hella,” unless you’re 17 and in California, or are being facetious, people laugh at you.
7. “Stripiest” is not a word. Things either have stripes or they do not; it’s not a matter of degree.
8. “Shredded ink covered legs” What? Ink cannot be shredded. Evem with a hyphen somewhere this would still be confusing.
9. Your story is tedious and boring. What does candy have to do with anything? Take a writing class.
In before someone corrects me for “Evem”
And now I’m going to stick Twizzlers in my ears and go walk down the sidewalk. What an awesome story that will make.
Why care about such a rant? Boring writing sure, are any of these really any good? Idk exactly how much of this was fabricated but I will say it does sound worth writing and I found it mildly entertaining. Obviously the author intended (or so I’d hope) to be confusing and offensive and it’s clearly working.
P.S. “stripiest” is a word Dexter
WHAT THE F*CK is “hot rodding around flexing my stiffy”? Are you a dude with pig tails? A chick with a boner?
I’m confused and your post sucks it.
Chunty, I just assumed that “box of candies” was referring to a case of Pabst.
It seems that if someone was actually trying to kill you, you would just stop your… um, “stiffy”(?)… for 30 seconds and let them drive off.
@Scalaer, that confused the hell out of me too. I don’t know if this is a true (albeit badly written) story but if you speak the same way you write I hope I am never forced to converse with you
I agree with Ron Swanson. You’re a fucking moron if someone was indeed trying to kill you and you continued your rage pedal on your piece of shit fixed bicycle. I only wish this person was actually serious about murdering you.