To Doubler Decker PDX with the big red bus, not sure what that was with the busload of homophobic, anti-semitic frat assholes at the Chevron around 11:50pm Saturday night. The anti-semitic Asian guy who couldn't hold his liquor was especially intriguing. Apparently you pulled over the guys could pile out and use the single bathroom in the convenience store? I told the clerk he ought to make everyone buy a fucking item, since the restroom is for CUSTOMERS, and he agreed, then your riders tried to pick a fight with other convenience store customers. An angry Asian man named "Sam" told me I was Jewish (I'm not, but it doesn't fucking matter) and wanted to fight me. He ran across the parking lot to challenge me. Thank you, Double Decker, for reminding me I need to start carrying my blade again. :) By the way, Double Decker PDX, "We don't control our customers" isn't a valid response WHATSOEVER. I don't know if you knew this but you're on Yelp. Oh, and thanks for reminding me why I used to carry a knife. I think I'll start again.
Okay, now I'm pissed. What kind of a jerk steals a tricycle off the porch? A TRICYCLE! Like it wasn't obvious you were stealing from a four-year-old. You walk past the fancy stroller and have to go for my ride, do you? You know, I was going to ride that tricycle FOREVER and now I can't. Because of you. Jerk! Grown-up bike thieves are evil enough. Toddler bike thieves are eviler. Bring me back my trike! Or, maybe you're better off far, far away from suffering my temper-tantrum all up on your ass.
To the douchebag who STOLE one of my Obama-Biden bumper stickers off the back of my parked car at Gateway Fred Myer Wednesday afternoon (and DEFACED the other one), wow...way to represent YOUR "side"!
So let me get this straight; you feel somehow entitled to exercise YOUR free speech and express your political opinion by infringing on MINE?
No matter how much I may disagree with your political views (completely) or how big of an IDIOT I may think you are (off the charts), I would NEVER feel I had the right to VANDALIZE or STEAL your property.
That angrily defaced sticker sums up so much about you and the political demographic you affiliate with-it will remain on my car, now communicating more about YOU than it does about ME (and where my other one was, my large round OBAMA 'fridge magnet will ride...and be REMOVED and put on the dashboard whenever I park, to keep it safe from assholes like you.)
I saw plenty of this crap back in Texas durng the Bush campaigns (vandalized stickers and vehicles, stolen yard signs, even road-rage towards Democrat/Liberal drivers) but this is PORTLAND, for fuck's sake!
Your kind aren't welcome here.
I almost bought some Crack last night. I walked out of the bar drunk, of course and was headed to the pizza place around the corner. I needed something in my cut, cuz my vision was starting to fail and my brain was swimming in booze. As I approached the corner in which I was to turn, two guys were standing in shadows having an animated discussion. The closer I got, I realized that one man had a bag of Crack and was dishing out a few rocks to the other man. The man getting his Crack, was encouraging the dealer to give him ever more. As I passed and turned the corner, I reminisced on my smoking of the Crack years ago and, to my surprise, my heart started to race. I entered the pizza place, stood in line for a minute and thought, fuck it. I ran across the street to the ATM, grabbed $40 and headed back to the aforementioned corner. On my way, I was figuring out how I was going to make a pipe, for I haven't made one in years. "Now, what min-mart did I see those little roses they sell in glass tubes at? Oh, and Chore-Boy cooper scouring pads? No problem, most mini-marts sell them" I made it to the corner and they were gone. The rush I felt subsided and I began to think what a fucking loser I am. I got too drunk and actually almost bought some Crack. What. The. Fuck.
To my english teacher, im sorry you cant eat gluten. McDonalds is so damn good, but just because you cant eat a greezy ass cheesburger doesnt give you the right to force me to watch Food Inc. you think your slick, "oh it has and educationalpurpose", well guess what bitch, i dont need your institutional direction to learn how fucked up America's food indusrty is. ive already seen it! so ha ha easy grade for me, and a mail box full of chicken nuggets and burgers for you. shouldnt try to change people, i dont have he idiotic gene that comes with washed out blood, im not fucking honey boo boo, and the farmers market takes link.
To all Portland Patrol "Officers": Leave me and my wife alone! I'm so damn sorry we have to sleep on the streets. You think we like it??? Can you not see we are people just like you? How in the hell can you justify the things you do? We try to find a nice little doorway away from all the 'real' people. We are completely self-contained. We bother no one. We leave no trace. We just want to get some sleep man. Every night one of you wakes us up in the middle of the night, threatens to call the police for trespassing, and completely makes a fool out of himself. They act like freaking robots—it's the middle of the night! No one is around you freaks!!! How can they enforce such arbitrary rules and act like you're actually doing something for the money they earn. All you guys do is ride around on your little bikes with your little helmets and shuffle the homeless from one doorway to another. Where the hell do they get such an ego? I just can't fathom the thought of screwing with people who are causing NO disturbance in the middle of the damn night. I would feel like the biggest asshole on the world for acting the way you guys do! Oh God—I'm SO sorry we're the scourge if the earth. I can't believe people actually get paid for achieving absolutely NOTHING!!! Until I get my student loans and pay my landlord what I owe my wife and I will be there EVERY night. I'm SO sorry we have no place else to go. Why don't set yourselves on fire and die. Whoever pays you, stop the checks! Damn!
Dear upstairs neighbors,
Has it ever occurred to you that there are other people who live in your building? Has it ever occurred to you that the people who live in your building can hear you? My guess is that had not occurred to you, dude. This must be your first apartment.
Since you moved in, there has been a storm of noise from your apartment. You stomp up the stairs, walk around at all hours in your boots or heals, and despite living in your apartment for almost 3 months, you continue to hammer things into the walls almost every day. You can't even check your mail quiely. You are constantly yelling, slamming, throwing and annoying those around you. Also, you park like an asshole.
Do you have an elephant? Have you installed a bowling alley up there? Did you get a new pogo stick?
Please, take a moment to consider those around you. Perhaps, just for a minute, think about your neighbors and SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! Have some respect. Or, move back in with mommy.
Dear Annoying Roommate,
I see that you have placed your tooth brush in a mug and then placed that mug on the back of the toilet seat. While I find this an interesting if not vile choice it is not one I will argue with.
b/c of the annoying things you do, like smack your lips like a goddamn 8 year old when you eat, steal my beer, or put YOUR Fucking under wear on the same goddamn rack as MY hand towel (that forced a rewash) . Then proceed to call me out for leaving a dish in the sink. I will not remind you that when we take a poo and flush the toilet that a cloud of fecal particles fills the air contaminating everything near by. I will not point out that your tooth brush is at the the very epicenter of the shit cloud getting covered in all manner of fecal particles, and bacteria And thus when you brush you are literally smearing shit all over you mouth and teeth.
And while I will not point out the stupidity of your retarded and disgusting decision, I have to ask: HOW'S MY SHIT TASTE BITCH !?
To the two big girls at the Fried Egg I'm In Love cart:
Please take my advice to heart. Yoga pants are not an everyday wear item, especially for women our size, and doubly not at the food carts. I'll let you off with a warning this time.
-Another Big Girl
You are the second whitest city in the United States. All of your smugness about diversity and cultural awareness is utter bullshit. From the point of view of someone who is not from here and who is also a minority; you people have your heads shoved so far up your ass that you can't even see your own racism and ignorance. Am I racist? Yes, I am. Are you? Of course you're going to tell me you aren't. You have black friends after all.
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