I've Been a Total Ass and There's No $ for Xmas


Jelly of the month club.
5 failed attempts at suicide means that you don't really want to die. It's a cry for help and it sounds like someone listened. What you're doing on I, Anonymous is beyond me and it raises that suspicion that this is fake.
I'm sure that getting your life to a better place is all the gift they would want from you.
what brand of peanut butter? and have you been double-dipping, or is it 'clean'?
You really suck at killing yourself. That being said, why don't you send your family eCards from the computer that you posted this IA from?? They're free and hilarious. It'd cheer everyone up. Have some banana nutters to snack on while you are sending everyone kind wishes. :D
Write the most incredible poem that will change the world.

And work in the peanut butter and bananas.
Man, you must be a MAJOR loser to have fucked-up five suicide attempts, huh. Might as well stay here and be fucking miserable like the rest of us.

P.s., on the slim chance this might be you, Josh, i apologize in advance.
Probably the best gift would be if you stopped with the self-loathing and suicide attempts?

So I guess that means... starting on meds, or finding God, or something?

Honestly, attempting suicide then calling yourself an ass for it... sounds like you're not getting the whole "illness" part of "mental illness".
Do what Chris says!! Grab a pen and some paper, trust me, it feels really good! :)
"...finding God..."

He might as well kill himself.
Damosa, help this guy out, show him how suicide is done.
To Hell with you, Bokchoy.

My holiday wish is for you to gdiaf.

Please do so ASAP.
Nice use of acronyms chicostix. Very spirited.
thanks bokchoy, you actually made me upvote a DaMostA comment. may your armpits be eternally plagued with fleas.
and IA, the best gift you could give your family is yourself, and the knowledge that you're getting the help you need.

happy holidays. good luck.
Obligatory, inappropriate and materialistic holiday gifts are the most ridiculous and disgusting things. Assume your PRESENCE is your (the ultimate) PRESENT. Please don't take your life. Find out who's hosting for the holidays and call them up, go there and help. Be the first to show up and the last to leave. Be the PCH, "Pseudo Co-Host."

Remember: half of life is showing up.

You are not alone.I feel your pain and also sometimes wish for this silly life to end. Be strong like a tree, grow roots and be a part of the world. Know your spring will come. The answer is to love, and be loved.