YES, I Am Really Carding You


Somehow ultimatums to "stop doing x or get out of my establishment" don't pack quite the same punch when they're issued anonymously on the internet.
i just laugh inside, because not only do i get "i'm so old" i also get to make them a vodka cran or some little girl drink. (its always the girls who say this shit) Next time you say this and your 23, order a 151 on the rocks bitch.
Are you one of those dudes who sits on a barstool by the door? What's with you clowns anyway? Your not a bartender or a bouncer!? You're a bar worker type..

You check my ID/stamp my hand and sometimes you're the dj, yet if a fight breaks out, i guess you're gonna weirdo beard them away with your 120 pounds???

So yeah, here's my ID. And here's a thought: eat some carbs and lift some weights if you want to be taken more seriously...
Seems like "able to deal calmly with uppity drunk yuppies" must've been in the job description, but whatever.
I've been in and out of the business for over 12 years, and if this is your rant about some girl saying she's old at 23, then maybe you should go back to delivering pizza.

If you really work in a bar, bitch about the girl who's blown two dudes in the parking lot in the last two hours just to pay her tab. Or bitch about the beer bottle some dbag tried throwing at your face taking them out.

This (and chick fights) are nothing to rant about!
IA, you definitely need a lemon drop.
I like standing in front of places with no doorman and checking peoples' IDs for shits n' giggles. All it takes is eye contact and a mini Maglite. Make up any rules you like:

"We don't accept out-of-state IDs."
"It's ladies night. Get lost."
"Dress code says no punks."

Hours of fun, at least until the real bar employees catch on.
Or when you card a young adult and their mom/aunt/grandma says, "ooooh aren't you going to ask me for my I.D. too?" No, i'm not, you look like a tired, smoked out, old hag. Seriously, i just look at them blankly for about 15 uncomfortable seconds and move on.
"Next time you say this and your 23, order a 151 on the rocks bitch."

Adults drink vodka-cran, a perfectly acceptable mixed drink for women. Assholes drink 151 to get FUUUUUUCKED UP.
Real men drink axe body spray.