Dear Coffee Tosser

Comments

1
How much did it cost you to write this I,A?
2
Latte? $5.00. Throwing a latte at a motorized penis-substitute being revved by a reactionary roadhog? Priceless.
3
if he throws a coffee with impunity, then we'll all throw coffee with impunity; it'll be anarchy!

(said in the voice of that Bender dude in 'The Breakfast Club'.) (which is a god-awful movie, by the way.)

also, are coffees really $5 these days? jesus h. what a bunch of suckers you people are. i'm not going to spend $5 on anything non-alcoholic unless it can whisper sweet nothings to me while giving me a massage.
4
lol@trying to justify a victory out of this. For all you know he's friends with the barista and his latte was free. Plus you only make 12 an hour so the joke's on you (all other call center bums feel free to click dislike - the truth burns like a hot latte).
5
Hold up, twelve dollars an hour isn't exactly measly.
6
^ lofl. Well nobody can accuse you of setting the bar high in life, that's for sure.
7
@Sane - Yes, it is measly. $12/hour = Your boss is fucking you. Demand a raise, or find a new job, or learn a new skill.

It's all relative to age though, if you're 16 and making $12 an hour, you're basically a millionaire. If you're 25+ and making $12 an hour, you're on the path to lower-income mediocrity, and you’ll probably be renting a house for the rest of your life. There’s good news though: it’s never too late to turn it all around and start making money, just fix your shit and be more valuable in the eyes of employers than your peers are. I know a lot of people are unemployed, but there are jobs out there, you just need to distinguish yourself to get a decent job.

Also: I support the guy throwing coffee. Only in America do people feel entitled to threaten others with their automobile. Wait 10 fucking seconds for the jaywalker to pass, and take some personal responsibility for running late: leave earlier next time d-bag.
8
This would easily end up in a rant in the lines of: to the douchebag who wears earphones in the streets why do you look up, I hate you, and the lady wearing Sleeveless Shirts, half of your boob might be showing, you're a godless heathen, to the fat kid on 9nth and Hawthorne, why you eat ice cream you fat fuck I hope you die blowing up in grease, to the guy with skinny jeans, you're so pretentious with your coffe, I runned up to you and told it to your face, and the whole place was like "oooohhh", and I was like, "Fierce!", and I walked away Victoriouslyyyyy...and gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, head explotes, day dreaming stops.

I think this already has happened.
9
Keep Portland passive aggressive!
10
Did Jerry Springer just explode entrails all over this thread?
11
Whoa.... leaky.... I actually kind of enjoyed that comment. :)
12
I believe that Leaky won this thread. Well done.
13
And here I was hoping "coffee tosser" was a euphemism for something dark and kinky.

*frowny face*
14
Twelve dollars an hour and you hosed it off your car? Fuck, you could have squegeed it into the Taco Bell presents: Demolition Man collectors cup you call a bowl / plate / tear collector and tasted-- just this once-- the sweet sweet nectar of the upper class. Do you realize how many lifetimes of being a talented (but misunderstood!) white outsider you'll have to suffer through before receiving your next chance to drink such an upright, sophisticated beverage? Five dollar latte, man. That shit is epic! You blew it.
15
To the asshole that revs his engine under any circumstance - fuck off, no one cares you're there.

Also that $5 latte only seems like a lot of money to you because you're poor. I hope that guy makes six figures doing nothing.
16
Just because the light turned green doesn't give you the right to proceed, you are required by law to give the pedestrian the right of way.

"Revving you engine" at a pedestrian is a threatening act, I would have tossed the hot coffee at the driver side window hoping it was open.

Next time leave earlier sfb!
17
peds have the right of way and you are a douchbag that deserves more than a coffee thrown at you. perhaps a written driving test?
18
If you don't have time to wait for a pedestrian to cross the road, just give up already; you weren't going to make it.
19
revving your engine at a ped, jaywalking or not, is a bit too much. but throwing a cup of coffee on said vehicle is plenty over-the-top itself -- i don't see how either action can be justified in this situation.

people need to calm the fuck down and not be so quick to be offended -- both parties are assholes.

(but i think the coffee-tosser steals the top 'asshole prize' here -- revving an engine is a sound, not an actual form of contact like coffee-flinging.)
20
I woulda just stood there in front of your car for that dick move.
21
This happened to me. I was crossing, I miscalculated how long it would take me to cross, and was almost to the curb (like two feet away) when my light turned red and his turned green. Of course, this was on a sleepy Sunday morning. He laid on his horn, even after I was on the curb. My hands were full, and I was pissed, so I went to throw my coffee at his car. Dumb, I know, but it was totally instinct. Thankfully, the lid was on my coffee, and nothing came out but a couple dribbles on my foot.

I had walked half a block when the douche spun around, parked in the middle of Hawthorne and started screaming at me from his window. I just stood there, hardly able to get a word in, though other pedestrians were yelling at him to calm down and stop using such profane language (kids were everywhere) and he goes "You think throwing coffee is fun, you cunt?", gets out of his car, and toss his whole mug of coffee at me. He misses, and I calmly get to say "Was it worth it?". Asshole just muttered and drove off.

AND HE WAS WEARING A UTILIKILT. It was quite a morning.