This Week in the Mercury

To Bee or Not to Bee


To Bee or Not to Bee

Oregon Banned Pesticides Tied to Die-Offs. Is It Enough?

Sold Out


Sold Out

Mag-Big and the Explorers

Saturday, January 12, 2013

The Death of the Hipster Nation

Posted by Anonymous on Sat, Jan 12, 2013 at 1:51 PM

I see you, hipsters, and you’re all cloned tards, with your fixie bikes and your fake-ass Buddy Holly glasses with no lenses, your skin-tight tapered jeans that reveal a matterless vacuum where your butt should be, your untrimmed hobo beards and Converse High Tops and beanies and suchlike. There’s a carpenter’s band saw out there somewhere waiting to shear off your comically flaccid weeners, which will be fed to you wrapped in grape leaves. I can safely say that your fathers consider all of you to be wasted orgasms, better to spurt their seed into the rectums of goats, and the more pleasure for it knowing such a bestial union comes bereft of producing creatures like you, only dry goo-covered turds easily disposed of. I see you hipsters and I reach out for some sharp object to blind myself from your ignoble and drooly countenances, a pen, a knife, the sharp edge of a rusty tuna can lid, anything to give me the providence of succor in the midst of your onerous and squinchy visages. There will come a day when the Hipster Nation is totally laid to waste by a re-emergence of good taste, showers & soap, and a lack of necessity to find that one album by that one band that no one has heard of.

Comments (15)

Showing 1-15 of 15

Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-15 of 15

Comments are closed.

Most Commented on I, Anonymous

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy