This Week in the Mercury

The Money's on Election Reform

News

The Money's on Election Reform

Business Wants a "Top-Two" Primary in Oregon. Labor Does Not.


Pure and Easy

Music

Pure and Easy

Run On Sentence Hangs Loose



Sunday, January 20, 2013

Dear Massage Therapist

Posted by Anonymous on Sun, Jan 20, 2013 at 3:46 PM

Dear Massage Therapist

Typically, when I meet a new therapist she or he suggests three levels of pressure: 1. light, 2. medium, and 3 deep. Although we did agree on deep you failed to mention that you were applying a fourth level of pressure, which I have named HOLY SHIT! I am often dissatisfied with my posterior, but I only can conclude by the way you attacked it with such aggression that you must have been angry with it. I haven't looked, but I just might have finger bruises back there. As you paced around the massage table, I laid there anxiously with my eyes closed waiting for you to pounce and unleash the rage. When you would find a knot or an area of concern, you would dig at it like a blind hungry dog digs for a buried bone. At one point, my body wanted to break out in the cold sweats, but I willed myself from doing so out of fear that you might break out in grunts in some sort of primal song of conquer. To be honest I am afraid to look and I can't decided if I in fact did just participate in a massage or a beating, and I can't decide if I want to complain or ask for you again next week. For some reason, I think that your massages might build my character and/or be a way to work off all the bad karma I have accumulated over the years. But Dear Massage Therapist please understand that when or if I see you again we will agree upon a safe word.

Comments (12)

Showing 1-12 of 12

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-12 of 12

Comments are closed.

Most Commented on I, Anonymous

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy