There is no hope for humanity.

But more importantly, what about PERS?
I wish I could've been there to watch your perfect Portland response when that dog pissed on your daughter's steam come out of your ears and see you grit your teeth and bite your tongue while the event unfolded live before your eyes, knowing that you couldn't WAIT to get home and type an anonymous and safe"fuck you" to this dude who wronged you!

Advise for next time: tell asshole, TO HIS FACE, "hey you're an asshole". Asshole calls you a "petty twat" -- you stalk him, follow him home and stealthily take a shit on his front porch. THEN you can write your I,A submission and we'll be happy to judge it's worthiness.
Well, when you actually read the damn thing, you'll note she's a teacher, and couldn't really call a motherfucker out in front of all those kids, but sure Internet Tough Guy, we all know you'd do so much better if it were you.
My 5th grade teacher punched a crazy dude who tried to get on our field trip bus at a stop light, once. Granted this was back in the days of school and parent-sanctioned corporal punishment and children who weren't medicated to their eyeballs for the crime of being children. Things are different now, obviously.

If the guy and his dog were on school property when this heinous pissing-up of children's apparel transpired I think you could have at least busted him for trespassing. A simple and hearty "Hey, don't let your dog piss all over those coats!" would not be unwarranted, even in this passive/aggressive Mecca that is Portland.