Look, it's not my fault you have to work for a living. If you're busy, you're making money. If I ask for a drink before you're ready to take my order, please don't whine about how I'm making you feel incompetent. Again, I'm not responsible for your insecurities. If you feel like you're not doing your job, it's because you're doing a shitty job. I watch as people wait, what seems like decades, for you to get them a fucking draught or a gin and tonic. I've done your job. Your lazy and miserable. Do the world a favor and get on welfare. At least people won't have to wait a half an hour for one of your world famous PBR Tallboys.
Get the best of the Mercury each week in your inbox!