Too Much of a Good Thing


Gah! "Chapped dick" was going to be my band's name! Damn you I,A!
Why dont you just fucking tell her now? Waiting is so fucking STUPID! You're purposely letting her feeling like that. Nice job Penis! Especially when you could simply, just tell her the truth. Why is communicating so fucking hard now days? You have the chance to spare someone's feeling and you dont? I HATE GUYS LIKE YOU!
^ maybe, just maybe, he's not "waiting" to tell her. I'd think most (local, non-celebs)people would be creeped the fuck out if told that a potential fuck buddie was over-prepping for the session.

But then again, I haven't been to burning man.....
I would've faked food poisoning or a death in the family (if you could've faked 'flying home' for a few days) or something instead of outright rejecting her. Also, use lotion afterwards or lube up or do something... chaffing yourself like that.. just no excuse for it!

But I agree with the above poster, do not tell her the truth. Way too embarrassing.
Fuck that, man! She'll be sad and wonder what's wrong and all insecure and trust me, she'll go that extra mile.
I once cancelled a couple of hot dates because, no shit, i had burnt my John Thomas on a wood stove while nakedly retrieving my shoes and socks hanging above it one morning.

I had 'morning wood' (no, that's not intended to be a pun; i just don't know of any other term for an 'erection upon waking', and 'NPT' is too obscure and boring...), so it got me on the underside as i was coming down off of my tiptoes.

Oh, the pain. I bet my yelp could be heard for several blocks. The sound scared the hell out of my poor dog and cat, as did my running around the room in circles while holding myself and cussing up a storm.

The result looked like a giant pimple or some horrible sore symptomatic of some ungodly, yet-to-be-discovered STI, all gnarly and multi-colored and shit.

By the time it had healed, i had missed my window -- she either hated me because i 'rejected' her or thought me for gay.

This was one of the chief reasons that i decided to move south to the PNW -- wood stoves are much more of a rarity around here, and my penis is all the more happy and healthy for it.
Honesty may be the best policy. Just say "I was so excited that I might get in bed with an actual woman that I went all Fight Club on my dick!"
I had poison oak on my dick once. It swelled up and turned bright red, like one of those 'hot mama' sausages you see in crappy convenience stores? I couldn't stop scratching, it wouldn't stop "inflating", and soon I was unable to zip up my pants. I had a date but called it off for obvious reasons. She was kind of a freak and really wanted to see my clown penis, so I showed her. I never saw her again, obviously.

That shit was wrecked.
Shoulda put chap-stick......ON YO CHAPPED DICK!!
Or on your chapped stick.
Let me get this straight, you're on IA telling some girl that you whacked off soooo much to the thought of her, that your mangled penis wouldn't function at the most crucial moment?

God I hope this girl responds and you live happily ever after. That would confirm my hunch that I will die a bachelor.

Good luck self-minced meat!!!!!
arenit strange that "Rick" came along just after someone else was banned?
I create one post and defend my position. Then I make one relatively innocuous comment on another post. This makes me the next troll to be banned?

Gotta love Portland. Everyone's so inclusive and open-minded. That is until you say something that offends them or contradicts their beliefs.

I'll now stop posting so nobody has to fear losing their self-perceived title of Top Portland Mercury Commentor.
Way to be an asshole, "RickStevens".
Instead you should have asked if you could bring along your friend, you know, like a stunt-double.
Oh man, thanks for the mutilated dick stories, guys! I'm drunk and a bit stoned and this just made my night. For real, y'all.

Now as for YOU, Rick Stevens.... as far as I'm aware the Mercury editors ban people - it's not decided by troll vote, though a troll poll would be pretty amusing, and not just because it rhymes. Nobody is voting you off the island, but you should consider going away. You might be eaten alive here, as you seem to be a bit sensitive, Rick Stevens. But I could be wrong, it seems that Leaky has redeemed himself, so maybe if someone lamer than you (Rick Stevens) comes along you'll be able to pull a Leaky on them.

Just don't forget, Rick Stevens, NEVER claim your own post again.... Rick Stevens.
Leaky thinks he's a competitor on a new post. How cute.

ForWhomTheBellTrolls (last time I type out that stupid name), why would i be ashamed to point out my own post? I'm still anonymous you boob. Eaten alive? C'mon man, I read your post on MY IA, and it's clear you don't have much to offer yourself. I assume you think you're the Portland Mercury's version of the Cherub of Justice? Swooping in to right all of the blogoshere injustices? Good going buddy. You just firmly entrenched yourself in Leaky's camp, which just so happens to consist solely of window-licking morons.

Sensitive maybe, unforgivably ignorant and pretentious like yourself, I think not. Pretentiousness by definition, ascribes unworthy value to myself. I'm simply informing you of how worthless I find commentary such as yours'. That just makes me a dick. Do us both a favor and admit you're a dick too.
How embarrassing... I slid in a sentence directed at FWTBT in the last paragraph that belonged to someone else. All else stands, but I think it's time I make good on my previous promise to quit all of this nonsense. Please forgive my temporary lapse into the realm of asswipes like Leaky, FWTBT, and Bort. All others, and myself, deserve much better than this.
Dude, in all of your reincarnations as different names you really have something against me?
Leaky, you should really look at your most recent post on this thread. But anyway...

I certainly don't care for the writings you directed at me, but since I have no idea who (or what) you really are, I obviously can't have anything against you personally.

I'm pretty sure you know what you're doing when you chime in on these posts and start railing the authors or those who've posted a comment. Say what you will about me, but I've never responded negatively, and unprovoked, towards an IA author. I may not agree with what they've written, but I don't attack them personally.

When someone does that to me, the gloves come off.
To Rick, Leaky and ForWhom:

Thank you for ruining a perfectly lovely thread about chapped dicks.
This is the exact same feeling (reading I,A over the past few days) that i got when Albert on Little House on the Prairie became addicted to morphine.

"Come on already, just stop"
why am i being dragged into this post?

ricky, for as much as you try to flaunt your superior intelligence, you have some trouble realizing when people are winding you up.