You forgot the caribiner key chain and the want to piss on a toilet seat and then lift it back on up on your way out.
Never wear deodorant and keep a fattie on the side as a fuckbuddy.

Do this young Jedi and the force will embrace you.
Hey dumbass, what you're supposed to do is point, then laugh and clap and say "HAHA! THAT'S CRAZY! THAT GUY IS CRAZY!"
The guy with the demon-faces art car? The dude with the hand-puppet braying from his van? YOU AREN'T RUSHING TO TAKE THEIR PICTURE ANYMORE?

Neither am I.
If only we could get those tall bike/creative types to talk incessantly about the Burning Man colabos they've been working on for the past six months, cuz that shit is super interesting to absolutely everyone.

Oh wait...
wait hold on. Who do you think fixes Tall Bike for Tall Bike Guy? I will tell you who. NOBODY! Tall Bike Guy fixes it himself.
All the rest of you and you and YOU. Do i see you fixing anything? No. Well who the hell cares right? Wrong. If you think a world full of Schwinns and out of the box China Commuter Cycles is acceptable i urge you to accept the diversity while we still have it. You may THINK there are tons of Tall Bikes in Portland really there are just a few and VERY difficult to maintain. I know the novelty is worn thin a bit but its not my fault i mean their fault. And by the way FAR more people are complimentary and say things like "Cool!" and ask questions still. If anything i think its just now being discovered. So get used to it. It brings new portlanders in and makes them feel a part of the scene the first time they see it. Only cold hearted pissants resent the attention we get. And oh yeah blaring music? Nobody blares their music. Dont exaggerate.
"And by the way FAR more people are complimentary and say things like "Cool!" and ask questions still."

Yeah, those are tourists. You are "cool" in the way the guy painted silver by Pioneer Square is cool.
Tourists and children dig your freak bikes while the locals couldn't care less. Congrats, you are Voodoo Donuts.
You guys should all move back to Houston.
You know what? Riding tall bikes is just fun. I've considered building one myself, but the shame of being judged by strangers for doing something that I enjoy holds me back. Tall bike riders at least have the balls to not give a fuck what you think.
There's a big difference between doing something for fun and engaging in a contrived bit of faux Portland weirdness.

Lest we also forget these bike kludges are usually janky as fuck and those attempting to ride them not always up to the task. Not a week goes by I don't see one of these clowns eat shit on a botched dismount, often bouncing their bike off of cars and other cyclists.
Speak softly and carry a tall stick.
disastronaut, where are you seeing ALL these tall bike crashes? Every week, really?? I don't think I've ever seen that, and I bike everywhere, often in groups with tall bikers. I'd be really worried if I saw someone crash every week--like maybe I was cursed or something. (Not to say that everyone riding a tall bike is an ace, of course, or never crash--all you need to build yourself one is a welder and two bike frames to chop apart. But once a week?)

If you don't like tall bikes, then ignore them. I don't think they're really seeking your attention, anyway. Obviously IA cares more than simply "yawn," or they wouldn't have posted here about it.

But if hating makes you happy, keep hating.
The need for attention elevates them beyond your critisism.

Pants got so tight that it was uncomfortable to carry keys in a pocket (especially when riding a murdered-out fixie). The key-carabiner styleway was born!
Here's a tall bike rider hitting his head while doing something stupid and pointless. Not as brutal as it could be, but still cathartic:

Dude on the unicycle playing the bagpipes beats tall bikers every day of the week.
Man, I hate tall bikes.