"Hey, this is Jewel Lane, ya?"
Jewel Lane? No, it's NW 23rd. The cab driver's thick Russian accent was hard to understand. I had him repeat himself twice more before I realized he was saying, "Jew Lane." Seriously? In a bit of shock and not seeking a potential in-cab conflict I just said, "I don't know."
Unfortunately, this isn't the first time this kind of ignorance has flashed its nasty junk in my face.
No, wait a second, Portland...
That's right, honey. Don't spill your nonfat, organic, free-trade latte. You heard me.
Fuck you and fuck "Keep Portland Weird." I propose that it should now and forever read, "Keep Portland Accountable."
Your festering wound of intolerance, social injustice, poverty and ignorance can no longer be covered by a bandage of sustainably-harvested denial. Your rotten flesh is beginning to stink.
So, I've got some advice, Portland. Be careful not to drop your Lumineers-loaded iPod on your way to work or you'll notice that your bike lanes and rose-lined sidewalks are covered in piss and that all along you've been riding piggy-back on the shoulders of racists and thieves.
No one wants to get their neon Nikes dirty, now do they?
Get the best of the Mercury each week in your inbox!