Dear Portlanders Against Fluoride,

Fuck you and your junk-science bandwagon!

Once again, Portland is the weirdest place in America, and this time it's sans naked people.

Fluoride in our water making beer or coffee taste bad? Eroding teeth enamel? Poisoning our kids? Seen a dentist lately? Read a science report lately? Your arguments are laden with holes similarly gaping as those in our kids' teeth.


Maybe you self-serving neo-liberals need to watch Dr. Strangelove again because you've turned our liberal, quirky city into a hype-filled scare-tropolis that refuses to to do what is good and healthy for all of our children.

Here in Oregon, and Portland, we do a good job of maintaining our values, but just like a sales tax, support for schools from the legislature instead of bonds and levies, quiet roads, higher taxes for businesses, and those inane studded tires that destroy the roads, sometimes we need to compromise our values for what is right and will work.

We'll see you in another 30-odd years for a re-vote. Until then, don't forget to brush (with fluoride).