I am so done with you people. I know it's a shit job, having to deal with others' wants and whims, but it's clear that your industry as a whole has gone over to a culture of snark and condescension. I don't even want to go to a new restaurant any more, or anyplace I don't know the system, since one instance of ignorance often earns sneers and rudeness for the rest of the evening.
Even at cheap places I have to put up with the constant tip-farming, the puppy-dog eyes and not-so-subtle hints that I'm supposed to gladly paste an extra 30% onto basic counter service, even though it adds up so much over any span of time. It seems you people would rather have no customers than customers who don't tip. Is this really in your best interest?
Whatever. I'm done trying to stay on the good side of the service industry. You're going to treat me like shit no matter what I do, unless I ask for nothing and just throw money at you. If there's nothing I can do to keep from being treated like shit, I'll just stop trying. Yep, it's war. At least you'll have something to bitch about with your colleagues, which is pretty clearly what you people live for these days.
And no, I'm not scared of body fluids, you losers. Free protein makes my tummy shine!