This Week in the Mercury

Skin Shedders


Skin Shedders

Keeping Up with King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard

Noah Baumbach and Greta Gerwig's <i>Mistress America</i> Is Cleverly Self-Critical


Noah Baumbach and Greta Gerwig's Mistress America Is Cleverly Self-Critical

A Story of Wins, Losses, Hurt Feelings, and Pseudo-Sisters

Friday, July 19, 2013

Street Blockers

Posted by Anonymous on Fri, Jul 19, 2013 at 1:03 PM

Dear Completely Average-looking Bearded Lame-o and Not-memorable Girl(friend?), I am well aware how much it sucks to go to work at 10am on a weekday, even though I have been up working since 7am. I respect your want to EVER SO SLOWLY MEANDER across a neighborhood street. However, when you see me in my vehicle trying only to pass you as much as to the far left side of the street, consider the following things: 1. I need to go to work too. 2. If it takes my putting my hand up in a what'cha-doing-meanderin'-so-long-dude gesture, it's time to get yourself out of the way. 3. There was no need to throw up a middle finger. As far as I am concerned concerned, that means you are ready and wishing to throw down. 4. When your dumpy girlfriend starts yelling obscenities in the middle of your street, well, it makes you look pretty crappy. 5. You completely ruined your own day, because you like to throw middle fingers, yell, and basically flip your shit for no reason. 6. Now you have something to talk about other than the box mac-n-cheese you made for dinner, or that last level of Halo that you lost. 7. If you can't engage in calm human interaction when you are blocking traffic, it may mean that you need some therapy for some childhood trauma. Love, Your Hip and Intellectually Capable Neighbor

Comments (16)

Showing 1-16 of 16

Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-16 of 16

Comments are closed.

Most Commented on I, Anonymous

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy