I read the Mercury online. Now that Ian is gone, and the comics are on other websites I am finding myself having no reason to come to the Portland Merc. website. (nix on local movie listings too)
You precious prick- A cross walk is not a license to just bolt out in traffic while talking on your cell phone. I jammed on my brakes and shot you a look- I didn't see you because there was a big ass rig right on the corner. Yup you bet your ass I shot you a look. Then you had the balls to stick your ugly mug in my window , call me a "fucking bitch" and tell me you had the right of way. Fuck you - next time - take a moment to a)take a bath between sentences b) check yourself before you wreck yourself—-You precious Pdx hipster asshole.
Last weekend I took my elderly mother (she's a spry 85) to the Clackamas River where she had spent many happy hours as a girl. She was innocently wading by the shore when a gang of hooligans came tubing downstream, whistling and hooting at her. Then someone shouted and threw a beer can in our direction! The poor woman was struck dumb with terror and almost lost her footing. Then we saw a hippie-looking gentleman on the bank nearby who was displaying parts of his anatomy and performing certain bodily functions that should never be seen in public. My mother was horrified and disgusted! Not only had a nostalgic afternoon been ruined, but now she says she will never visit here again. Our whole family has had enough of Clackamas County to last a lifetime. We don't want their denizens to be tubing three sheets to the wind down the river into Portland and bringing their bad manners and crime to our peaceful streets. And we certainly don't need any more light rail to make it easier for them to find their way here.
SW Main & 5th Today. Look, I've dealt with worse. Others have been ruder, more annoying, and highly aggressive. You had that fake clipboard and smile plastered to your face and one of pre-rehearsed lines locked and loaded.
No I don't want to shake your fucking hand dude!!! I shake your hand, and I've shaken hands with everyone you've shaken hands with. It's fucking gross. In a sea of needbags, otherwise known as downtown PDX, you're no different than the bums that verbally accost people on a daily basis. Oh, but you have a cause right? I don't give a shit.
And your female partner sneering at me as I politely said, "I don't shake hands," well she can go fuck herself. 45 minutes before this encounter, I watched a bum yell obscenities at some folks who ignored her plea for coffee on the very same corner. What's the difference between you two and her? You both have agendas. You both come off as friendly and polite. And you both cop an attitude when people don't give a shit about what you want.
Go work over across from City Hall where all the degenerates have decided to squat and leave the productive people alone so that they can produce. The so-called non-profit you're working for is only spending pennies on the dollar for the alleged cause you represent. Most of the money goes to paying employees, marketing materials, etc. If you really do care about helping children across the world, join the fucking Peace Corps. Peace out!!!
Yay! I am so glad that the warm summer months had inspired you to dust off the garaged bikes you've been hoarding all winter. You all looked really cute on your beach cruisers, especially when tailed by a couple of kids swerving all over the fucking esplanade while you stop to take pictures or roll up your pants. Since the fair-weather rider list of malfeasants would be endless if not pared down to the bullshit you pull in only a specific area, let's talk quickly about that: the esplanade. First of all, stay to the fucking RIGHT. People are inevitably going to need to pass your leisurely asses and few of you seem to understand that this stretch of terrain is meant to be treated, in an idyllic world, like a road. Next, if you are in a group, please stop riding three cyclists parallel to one another. You make it impossible for people to get by and you are triply oblivious to shit going on around you. Thirdly, if you have kids, see numbers one and two. Don’t bring the little shits on the esplanade if you are not going to control them. Remember: some of do this all season long. Some of us are on our way to work. Get with the program or put your cruiser back where it belongs: in the garage. Also, next time a jogger stops suddenly and about faces to look at a fucking bird I am going to hit them instead of fall down on purpose. I'm so glad Fall is upon us.
I've seen some rude behavior here in Portland but the two women in the SW cupcakery this morning take the cake. Bypassing the line and walking straight up to the register will not get you served quicker, at least not this morning. Glaring at the counterperson and the customers who had been waiting patiently before you showed up certainly won't get you served quicker. In fact it will make sure that every single person who was there waiting before you will point out the person who should be helped next even though you kept trying to get the barista's to help you first. There weren't that many people in line and the wait wasn't that long. Just be polite, get in line, and wait your turn like everyone else. Don't try and force the barista to help you by shoving your way to the front. What you did was silly, childish, it put the girl who was helping everyone in a really difficult position. Oh, and the way you stalked out after getting your coffee, well, it made you look even more childish.
Look, I'm pretty darn sure you like me and I'm pretty darn sure you know I like you. I'm fairly certain from the way people who've seen us together react they know we like each other. This is getting to the point where it's just silly. Go ahead and ask me out already. I'll say yes.
Your boobs getting suckled by your child. Please bitch, do that shit on the max/trimet or in your vanagon or Volvo wagon. I might be into it but with out all your zits, specially those between your tits or are they mosquito bites??
Also wash your asss out.
Seems all this is nothing new. Portland had shanty towns once before.
Homelessness was present before the Great Depression, and hobos and tramps were common sights before 1929. Most large cities built municipal lodging houses for them, but the depression exponentially increased demand. The homeless now clustered in shanty towns close to free soup kitchens. These settlements were often formed on empty land and generally consisted of tents and small shacks. Authorities did not officially recognize these Hoovervilles and occasionally removed the occupants for trespassing on private lands, but they were frequently tolerated or ignored out of necessity.
This is actually a question, rather than a bitching. When there are no bike lanes and a bike is supposed to act like a car, why do they not wait behind the cars in front of them at a red light? They always pass all the cars and go up to the light, and then the cars just have to go around them again. Is that what they're supposed to do? I really want to know. I just bought a bike but I want to know the protocol before I venture out..
When you arrived i was excited to have you as my guest, but after a few mornings spent together I'm disappointed to notice (and I mean truly disappointed) that you fail to wipe your poop skidders off my toilet when you go number 2.
Today you left a smear that could have been used as forensic evidence for determining what you ate mere hours ago. It was the size of a plum stuck to the side; you must have noticed?
Please, be a better guest and remove the skids. Leaving it there for your host to clean is the worst thank you gift ever.
I love my new job; the office environment is drama free and everyone seems to be bright and hard working.
My one complaint - my office mate has extremely personal conversation three feet from me and uses a lot of profanity; talking about her neighbor's alcoholism, son in law is an asshole, brother has cancer (and she sobs on the phone with friends/family), goes into detail about how she tried to beat the neighbor's barking dog with the handle end of a broom.
This afternoon I was walking from the industrial part of town to one of the major transit transfer points. I look up & see what looks like an elderly version of the Muppet’s Miss Piggy barreling down the sidewalk on a little rascal scooter. I move towards the fence on my left, there’s more than enough room for her to pass. I’m taking no more than one seventh of the huge empty sidewalk.
She halts to a sudden stop & yells at me because she wants me to move to the right so she could be by the fence. Apparently the curb that’s a few yards away is something she never gets near because she would hurl in the abyss of non-existent traffic.
Her depth perception is way off & if she would have skipped her afternoon of cheap vodka bottle with Metamucil, she would see that. I have a right to walk here too, you may not be able to see through your drunken haze & cataract eyes that I have an injured feet that don’t want to be run over by your over hooves (wheels) .
I could only guess what the whole rush was. Maybe to attend her regular viewing at the strip club two blocks away? Take the stripper’s lead & remove some accessories!
When a really unattractive, over weight person, who's highest level of education is high school, lives in fucking Sandy or Battle Ground, and interests include "hunting and computers" - sends me a message through the online dating service I'm on, I get offended.
I get offended because I don't understand why someone who obviously is not on my level (education, politics, social), who physically are a mess and they live nowhere near my zip code think I'd go for them. We have nothing in common. Why are you wasting my time? Why are you wasting your time?
I feel bad, because I think I'm behaving like an asshole but... am I?
My general gripe is to the women that think taking Zumba at their local gym makes them professional ballroom dancers who were invited to birthday parties, weddings, karaoke venues,etc as the entertainment.
I want to cheer you on and congratulate you on your cool moves and confidence but sit the fuck down, for Christ's sake. If I have to see one more chica do a step ball chain and flap her arms around - I don't think I can't settle within myself the uncomfortable, sorry for you feeling that overwhelms me. I think I'll just get annoyed as fuck and take pleasure in tripping you.
You made a terrific first impression when we interviewed you to be our housemate. Then the truth began to set in. Then you decided not to help us in cleaning the house or even speak to us. You made a harmonious dwelling into a stressful environment. The only reason the landlord hasn't thrown your sorry ass out is either you paid months in advance or a sugar daddy is paying your bills. Do us a favor and LEAVE!
Oh, hey there to the fatso family shut-ins of my street. Nice to see you want to "get together" and kind of demand it/that on your terms you move your living room into the fuckin street for the night.
Oh so clever to obtain a permit and pick out your poison of douchie street blocking signs while you and a gaggle of the other n old asses sit in lawn chairs listening to spoon and drinking white wine.
After you went to bed, I pissed/lazered streamed the sidewalk chalked hopscotch inspired grid, into a blur.
And your children's illustrations....piss lasered em..
I also stole all your lawn chairs and kid toys that I have been kicking for the last three months.
After you fucks foreclose, I'm gonna pee on those nightly until some schmuck on the cl does me a deal.
Dear planners, participants and supporters of "Sunday Parkways",
FUCK YOU ALL!!! I HOPE YOU ALL GET SPREAD INTO A BIG PINK AND RED PUDDLE ALL OVER THE FUCKING ROADWAY!!!!YOU AND YOUR STUPID, UGLY CHILDREN. DIE!
I HATE YOU!
To the stupid STUPID grocery market checker arguing with me today about the type of fucking chili pepper I was trying to buy.
Hey LADY if you ASK me what it is don't TELL me it ISN'T what I say it is. You already claimed ignorance. Game over. I get you wanted to charge me for a red pepper because its red. As I SAID the jalapenos sometimes go reddish orange and thats what I look for.
But i see your Churlish Battleaxe Customer Belittlement ante and raise it to an Over-reacting Cock Sucking Customer Complainer.
Yes I esacalated to your Store Manager who has promised me in no uncertain terms that disciplinary measures may be taken. Its good to know that even now as I write this your grocery store management is reviewing video of the selection process and transaction to ensure that your customer disservice is properly addressed.
No the customer is not always right but if you are going to take us to task on it you had better not be WRONG.
You cheesed off the wrong chester today checkerlady. Its ok to hate your job but if you hate your customers you won't have one.
Hey, I volunteered at Hood to Coast this year to help out some friends. I showed up on time for my shift and hung out at my post waiting for the action to start. When it did it my job quickly morphed into a nightmare - stop the people from going where they want to go. What could go wrong! Instead of any signage or cones to direct the flow of thousands of people, they use only human volunteers and our assertive voices! So teams were confused and frustrated by the time they got to me, and I was stuck in the sun all day developing animosity towards runners who are so into their "experience" that they can't see that I'm just trying to prevent them from being killed by some dumb "will run for beer" van. Basically, I was the asshole all day, and no matter how nice I tried to be about it, people acted like I was personally out to ruin their lives (other than the two people who thanked me for volunteering). There was no support from officials (coming down to remind me that my job is to stop the people while I am clearly doing just that is not helpful), not even extra water (I went through my two bottles pretty fast). At the end of my 5 hour shift, no one came to relieve me. It took half an hour to get someone else to stand in my spot, and an hour to get out of the exchange area. This is a for-profit race! This race relies on volunteers! There was no anticipation of the crowds, and no support for the volunteers where I was stationed, and sadly not of moment of fun, suck city.
I got the same Facebook viral photo of "you never hear a man offer to buy a woman a book in the bookstore, but only a drink at a bar". Seriously?? And you call yourself a feminist? I don't quite understand this expectation that men are automatically expected to purchase a woman something just to show that he likes her. That is the problem with this society is that everyone feels like they are deserved something for nothing. For a feminist to perpetuate that "Female Entitlement" ideology than men owe all women something. To be honest, the only women who I, as a man, owe anything to is my mother for giving birth to me and the woman who will give birth to my child. For everyone else, its a gift, so hold on to your expectations unless I have a 100% guarantee of you putting out for that book.
Can't people taste the drunken hatred that you ooze towards all people except the few who, through their own sad need to be liked by everyone, put up with your negativity just to feel like they're in the club? All the newsprint in Portland, all the reviews and awards, can't change the fact that you are locked in a prison of your own making. I feel sorry for you. People may like your food, and they may even think they like you because they are allowed to be a part of the hot new place, but if they really knew you, they'd feel revulsion. Being nice isn't a weakness. Being decent to the people who work for you, who care about your business, does not mean you're being taken advantage of. Rather, your bartenders who drink a bottle of whiskey every two days between the two of them are a liability. Your servers who get along with you can't do their basic job. I've seen what the people you abuse do in the prep kitchen with the kale. You can't pay a manager enough who can a) put up with your shit and b) actually manage. Good luck paying people to brown-nose you and put up with your abuse while your business falls apart.
Yeah, so what. You'd think in a town like Portland with all the open-mindedness and open sexuality that it would be easy to find women who are turned on by dominating men. I don't quite understand why its so hard to find. I refuse to find a sex worker because that is just plain gross, and even grosser is exploring the kink sites like Fetlife where STD's run more rampant than maggots in a graveyard. Is it totally impossible to find women who get turned on by exploring their dominant side or is every woman in this town who is into power play a submissive? Should I just give up hope?
I don't care that you're the manager of some hipster bar in a gentrified neighborhood or that you're 6'5" and weigh 250. You owe me money from your business. A "working interview," doesn't been an unpaid interview. You have to verbally state that before having ANYONE work for you. I looked up the laws and precedents and apparently you can't just tromp about this glut of unemployed young people and ask them to work for no money. That's called slavery. P.S. Size doesn't phase me, I don't ever leave the house unarmed, Broseph.
Dear City Managers,
Your plans for bicycles getting on to the Burnside bridge from Couch street is still dangerous. Just painting a Green box on the corner of Couch and Grand is no solution. I almost got right hooked again today. I don't even really fault the drivers because the design of that lane is so stupid.
From now on I'm skipping those dumb green lanes and riding with traffic instead. I feel bad for the inexperienced that will get smashed.
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