This isn't as good as the guy masturbating with the buttplug but...
So there's a lot of old man peen on the nude beach, which isn't a huge deal (ha!) and boobs. But mostly old man peen.
But the two of you, hipster couple, were disgusting. As much as I disagree with little kids at a nude beach, they were around. So when you started making out with your girlfriend, then got a semi, then went into the river to grind against her, THEN PEED ON HER, it was pretty inappropriate.
Plus the way you drove the fuck out away from the beach made it obvious you were drunk. Sadly, no cops positioned outside to bust your disgusting ass.
(PS, your tattoos were awful and we laughed at them for the rest of the afternoon.)