When I first noticed you sleeping on a discarded mattress next to my apartment building, comfortably tucked between the bushes, I felt a little jealous at your sweet repose on such a sunny day. There I was, about to seclude myself inside and work while you enjoyed the rare rays of early Fall sun. Later, I came outside to discover you'd dragged the mattress onto the sidewalk and taken a huge dump and piss on it. That's when I knew you were the most resourceful douche bag I'd ever seen.
Dear Sleepy Homeless Dude
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