GO FUCKING FUCK YOURSELF! I want to draw a penis on your face after you pass out drunk one time. I want to push you in front of a big ass mud puddle as a bus goes by. I want a pay a stranger to follow you, and make you systematically late for every fucking single thing you do that day, including taking a shit. I want to make a Craig’s List post and add your phone number, so people will call you, because you and he/she have the same “I fuck animals” fetish, while strangers watch. I want to let loose a hundred non killing spiders in the front seat of your car. I want to whore out your work email address on porn sites, and let the spam roll in. I want to send your pastor, priest, reverend, or preacher an email from you, asking them what’s the best way to tell your wife, her sister’s, and her brother’s that you want to have a few sexual encounters with all of them at the same time to strengthen your family bond.
Because all of that, will not compare to how much hate I have for you, for tricking me into downloading this piece of software update.
Get the best of the Mercury each week in your inbox!