This Week in the Mercury


Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Jack The Stripper

Posted by Anonymous on Tue, Nov 5, 2013 at 3:02 PM

To the creepy dude in the green sweater: You know who you are. We go to the same Catholic church in Beaverton. You're an usher and I sing in the choir. I'm writing this because I want to let you know that I've seen you walking around Downtown Portland sneaking into those awful places called "strip clubs." We may be the same age, but what value do you see in strip clubs? I know you broke up with your ex-girlfriend over the summer, but your level of common sense is piss-poor beyond belief! Whenever I see you leave those places, you always have a creepy smile on your face. Get your head out of your ass and find a better place to hang out or else I'll rat you out to everyone you know at church! Sorry Jack {Yes, your codename is "Jack The Stripper."}, but you're too nice to go into strip clubs. You're too much of a gentleman. XOXO!

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