I was ready to fight the possum I thought was banging on my house at 3 am, but then I looked out and saw human bodies standing on my porch...thumping against the front door. I turned on all the house lights and porch lights, so you pulled up your pants and just sat there. I had to come outside and ask you to leave while you explained your confusion. I got to stand in your smoke so that after I finally went back to bed I smelt like an old dirty bar. Shame on you -having drunk public sex with a near stranger, you classless jerk.
Get the best of the Mercury each week in your inbox!