Thanks for attacking me the other night Anonymous for NO REASON. I guess I should have listened to everyone who said you were nuts (believe me it was literally everyone who has ever met you). Maybe I should have stopped being friends with you after the first time you attacked me. When you bit me so hard you took a 1/4" piece of flesh out of my lower back putting me in the hospital for a week with a bacterial blood infection (you got one DIRTY MOUTH)! Or the second time you put me in the hospital when you stabbed me with a pair of foot long fabric scissors (no ever said you weren't SHARP)! I sure as hell won't be seeing you again after tonight when you attacked me for trying to return your library DVDs. Everyone was right you crazy! Enjoy your broken iPhone 5s and dying alone. Your mom can't pay you rent forever.
Get the best of the Mercury each week in your inbox!