OK so everybody I know is planning this big fucking day and it's gonna be so fun and they are going to get the greatest sex ever!! Well I just happen to be between Valentines and it's going to be a miserable fucking night. So screw you all and I hope you suffer from premature ejaculation and the sex sucks. That is all.
The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.