I have been checking out the I, ANON for a few months now, from my sunny so cal perch, testing the waters. I'm going to go with the assumption that you guys are a pretty good representation of Portlanders (?) overall. I fucking hate it here in L.A.. Been here over 30 years and now that the kids are grown, I'm free to split. I choose Portland. Should I lie about being from L.A. when I get there? Should I claim to be a native? Should I claim my original hometown in Texas? I already know people in PDX so don't worry that I'm going to try and befriend you. It's obvious y'all aren't into that shit. I won't ride a bike in your way or hum on the bus. I won't have loud sex in an apartment at 3am (having raised kids, I know how to keep fucking quiet) or step into the crosswalk without looking both ways. Just please let me know what you want from your transplants, other than to NOT move to Portland. That's a done deal. We're on our way. Not asking for permission, just some courteous guidance, if you have any.
Here We Come
The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.