The sun was setting at an odd angle yesterday evening. It was way to the Northwest and, in fact, my shadow was cast in an angle I've not seen in the past. The tilt of the earth seemed off, but I'm sure I'm just seeing things.
I feel really numb, and it's sorta disconcerting. It's been coming down the mountain for some time, but it really seems to have taken effect lately. It's like, I feel dead inside or something and I don't care about anything… which is a weird feeling to have.
I stopped writing music almost a year ago, and that was a big red flag. Progressively, over that time, things have tapered off… I quit going out, I stopped writing to people, lost passion for my job, and all I do now is zone out on podcasts and yard work. That's all I want to do it seems… just forget about the day and get lost in my own solitude.
I'm a mess. I feel that it's for the best I'm alone, because there's no chance of hurting anyone that way. People expect more than I can give, so I distance myself from them. I don't want to say that I've given up on life, but there has been some really significant changes to the core of who I am… or used to be. I'm not sure I can ever get back what it is that I lost.
I need to get my head straight… find some emotion again, start looking on the bright side and all that stuff. I basically need to keep looking for a reason to live.