Must hate: public eaters, saunterers of crosswalks, bad drivers, rude cashiers, noisy neighbors, some old people, most young people, annoying dogs, indifferent cats, invasive weeds, kids and the people who hate them, the lack of public urinals, hippies, preppies, hipsters, stoners, goths, smokers, druggies, heavy drinkers and truckers who throw bottles of meth infused urine onto the freeway. I am a man of non-exquisite tastes and it is essential that one keeps up, not only in appearances, but in occasional drug usage. I dislike what I like, and those things are quite often mundane and intolerable. You must adhere to, and without question, my eccentric sensibilities, my irreverent sense of humor, my uncultured palate and my unique sense of self. I am a terrible human being, and only a horrible counterpart will suffice. We will make sweet, sweet love on a secluded sandy shore of the Oregon coast and then complain of the sand itself and possibly the unforgiving and judgmental wind. We shall kiss under a brilliant and timeless moon and then lament the state of this pale blue dot on which we reside. In the end, we will embrace in a comforting resignation; we have finally found one another…two miserable souls in a city full of hate and rage, waking up together on a proverbial dingy mattress clumsily thrown onto the floor of a crappy bed bug infested hotel on NE Sandy Blvd where the homeless and drug addicted shit on the ground beside the dumpsters because "the cops can't see it."
Terrible Man Seeks Horrible Woman
The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.