It's that time of year when the weather's somewhat unpredictable (say something about how that's "weird" and I'll punch you in the neck). So that means people like me sometimes get caught in a downpour sans rain jacket or umbrella (say something about how Portlanders don't use umbrellas and I'll punch you in the cock). It sucks.
Yep, getting rained on at lunchtime results in a lovely afternoon of shivering in a cubicle, my sullied business casual clothes sticking to my man-boobs like a fantastically unsexy wet t-shirt contest.
But you're protected— strolling along without a care in the world— because you chose the correct seasonal accessories. Good for you. But why do you still insist upon walking under the awnings? It's not like you'd get wet if you didn't. You've got an umbrella, fucko! Did you forget?
Don't make helpless unprepared schlubs like myself take the far-end of the sidewalk. Let me duck under the awnings. Let me take advantage of the dryness. Nobody wants to see my man-nips peeking through a soggy white dress shirt. Really, they don't.