i'm a drunk. an alcoholic. all of the above. i'm still in a bit of denial because i'm not quite yet comfortable with admitting it. i've played with fire for years and now, it's a physical pain i feel when i don't have alcohol. i quit going out with my friends because i have to start drinking as soon as i get home. meet you at 8:00? are you kidding? i'll be drunk by 8:00. so, i make excuses. i'm too tired. projects around the house. TV marathon. when, in actuality, i head straight to the bottle as soon as i walk in the door. recently, i admitted to a friend that i now like the feeling of being hungover. it's normal to me. that predicted headache, the day-long lethargy, the feeling of being just a little sick. it's my day now. my life. i feel different if i'm not hungover. i can't even fall asleep now without being drunk. i have to pass out. to be honest, i just want to die. but, another drink numbs that pain, clouds over those thoughts and i get through, just barely. surviving day by day with nothing to really look forward to. living as a shadow of my former self, now a lost soul.