I just took some vodka. My friends have been trying to get me to take it for years now, but I've held strong. Last night, my girlfriend broke up with me, so I decided to try it, devil be damned. I paced back in forth in front of the liquor store for what seemed like forever before I went in. My friends told me not to do it alone, but I want to be alone and I want to be out of my mind. I bought it, but couldn't muster the courage last night to take it, so it sat on my counter, taunting me, calling my name… "Jacob… Jacob… come to me.. " Now, after an entire day of thinking it over, I've decided to do it. I took two shots about 10 minutes ago and now I'm waiting for the effect. I hope I don't freak out. I just want to forget about life for awhile, forget about this broken heart. I don't want to jump off a rooftop, or run down the street naked though, and that possibility scares me the most. I had "anticipation poops" all day, thinking of this moment. My stomach still has butterflies as I wait for the vodka to kick in. I'm scared, yet excited. Maybe two shots wasn't enough? Perhaps one more is in order… shit's gonna get cray-cray tonight, I just know it. Wish me luck. I love you, Mom…