As Portland’s next mayor you are going to love me. You are going to love what I do. First thing I’m going to do is build a ten foot wall around the city and make California, New York, Vermont and Ohio pay for it. They are all rapists, except some, who, I assume, are good people. But somebody is definitely doing the raping. And it is obviously not me. Bud Clark was not a hero, he was a pervert and I like heroes who weren’t perverts. And conversely, perverts who weren’t heroes. I like heroes or perverts, not both. Who flashes statues? That seems like practice. Finally, I pledge never to eat a raisin or Ben and Jerry’s ever again. They are dead to me.

Portland you are going to love me, I promise. It’s called management.

Vote Bacon for Mayor: No hero perverts 2016