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The Jell-O Shot Mega List
The Best Bars for Gettin' Jiggly with It
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What is humanityâs fascination with the Jell-O shot? The titillation of spiking a childhood fave with booze? The delight of having a drink and eating a snack at the same time? The miraculous transformation of alcohol from a liquid to a solid colloid state?
I donât know for sure, but I do know I love Jell-O. As a troubled youth, Iâd mix a fifth with a packet of lime Jell-O so I could get inebriated undetected on public transportation. I later evolved to create champagne Jell-O shots dusted with edible glitter for New Yearâs Eve, and cake-shaped jigglers that were served on a tiered platter for my wedding.
If youâre a Jell-O connoisseur like me andâunfortunatelyâBill Cosby, here are the best bars in Portland for gettinâ jiggly with it.
FoPo Tavern (5902 SE Foster) takes Jell-O shots from novelty act to main attraction. Once a month, the bartender loads up her shopping cart with little cardboard boxes, then spends her day off making Jell-O âlike a witch stirring a cauldronâ to keep up with the demand: 1,200-1,500 Jell-O shots a month. The mellow amaretto sour and watermelon Jolly Rancher Jell-O shots ($2) made me think that FoPoâs âTaste the Rainbowâ flight (all 25 flavors for $30) might not be as bad an idea as it sounds.
If you like to eat your Jell-O in a rocks glass with a demitasse spoon, try Interurban (4057 N Mississippi) or Aalto Lounge (3356 SE Belmont), where the shots ($3) arenât just spiked Jell-O, theyâre gelatinized cocktails in sophisticated flavors like Lionâs Tail, Manhattan, French 75, and Aviation.
With a rotating selection of artisan Jell-O like wasabi and salty-spicy hibiscus margarita, you never know what to expect at Tanuki (8029 SE Stark)âexcept greatness. The sakura (with a real cherry blossom suspended inside) went down smoother than the human-insect J-porn playing on the monitor in the corner.
Pudding shots are Jell-O shots for when you have an appetite. Youâll get a tummy ache before youâll get a buzz off the cheesecake pudding shots ($2) at mahogany-paneled Sundown Pub (5903 N Lombard), but they are yummy. The â2 Smurfs 1 Cupâ ($2.50) at Mad Hanna (6129 NE Fremont) is a two-bite parfait: icy, boozy blue pudding topped with a swirl of whipped cream and a tiny peanut butter cookie. The pudding shots ($1.50) at Mock Crest Tavern (3435 N Lombard) are as fluffy as chocolate mousse, taste like KahlĂșa, come covered in whipped cream, andâif you look like you wanna partyârainbow sprinkles.
My exchange with the bartender at Sandy Hut (1430 NE Sandy) went like this. Me: âWhat flavors of Jell-O shots do you have?â Him: âRed.â At a rock-bottom $1 each, red worked for me. Leave it to the punks at Star Bar (639 SE Morrison) to come up with a vegan Jell-O shot that blows the competition out of its plastic cups. Their tart and pungent Kamikaze Jell-O Shot ($2) is made with tapioca instead of hooves.
For anyone whoâs just getting into Jell-O, the tasting flight ($7 for four Jell-O shots) at Crackerjacks Pub (2788 NW Thurman) is a good place to startâthough the impressive flavors will spoil you. My lineup consisted of a sweet-n-salty dill pickle garnished with a real gherkin, a âTotal Eclipseâ made with Blue Moon beer, an orange Creamsicle that came cracklinâ with Pop Rocks, and a shot of âRed Velvetâ as cute as a cupcakeâand together they just about did me in.
Scooter McQuadeâs (1321 SW Washington) Jell-O shot flavors may be indistinguishable in a blind taste test, but people will keep coming here for the jiggly stuff ($1.75) as long as the neon âJell-O Shotsâ sign continues to burn in the window. In fact, the guy ordering Jell-O next to me said that when he was in rehab across the street, he used to gaze at that sign and dream about the stuff. And after slurping so many shots all over town, I realized that the old adage is true: Thereâs always room for Jell-O.