THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL Take a good, long look at those beautiful, beautiful fingers.

Adam Resurrected (2008)
"What's that?" you say. "I've never heard of a Jeff Goldblum movie called Adam Resurrected!" That's probably because in Adam Resurrected, Goldblum plays "the funniest man in Germany"—a circus performer who, after surviving a concentration camp, finds himself in an asylum for Holocaust survivors. Good luck, funniest man in Germany! ERIK HENRIKSEN

recommended The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension (1984)
Try to keep in mind, as you watch this ungainly testament to '80s ridiculousness, that no matter what Kevin Smith may do when adapting Buckaroo Banzai to TV later this year, his sticky-icky-stained fingers can't change the frantically haphazard glory contained within this film. Just sit back and enjoy Jeff Goldblum in his seminal role as "New Jersey"—a man rocking the best pair of chaps you've ever seen. BOBBY ROBERTS

recommended Annie Hall (1977)
"I forgot my mantra" wasn't the first thing Jeff Goldblum ever said in a movie, but it might as well have been. With four simple words, he single-handedly punctured the California New Age aesthetic. This 1977 Woody Allen movie is still completely watchable in 2016, in large part because Allen isn't actively trying to fuck a child in it, unlike Manhattan. :( NED LANNAMANN

The Big Chill (1983)
Asking Jeff Goldblum to be "normal" is like de-horning a unicorn, but that's what writer/director Lawrence Kasdan did in The Big Chill. Don't hold out hope Jeff will jolt some life into this monument to upper-class ennui—Goldblum's JC Penney sweatshirt might as well be a straitjacket. At least these whiners brought a couple crates of Motown with them. BOBBY ROBERTS

Captain Planet and the Planeteers (1990-1991)
Captain Planet is a show that frolics playfully in the garden of your memory, yet crumbles to ash under the harsh light of the present. Jeff Goldblum only played rat monster/pollution enthusiast "Verminous Skumm" for one season, and gives the impression of having recorded his dialogue quickly and in a cut-rate studio. However, no living actor could deliver the line "Taste my scummy brew!" with more relish. BEN COLEMAN

recommended Death Wish (1974)
Jeff Goldblum IS "Freak #1." Charles Bronson mowed through an army of future stars during this franchise, but Goldblum, in his first role, stands/lurches apart. Popping his eyes and doing just awful things with his tongue, he makes the despicable most of his few minutes on screen. Imagine Pure Sleaze in sentient form. ANDREW WRIGHT

recommended Deep Cover (1992)
Bill Duke's existential noir has aged into something of a bonkers masterpiece, with a never-better Laurence Fishburne as an undercover cop, and Goldblum as his lawyer/drug dealer/sidekick. There's lots of lurid violence, voice-over in the form of poetry, and, of course, that great theme song by Dre and Snoop. Plus you get Goldblum spouting shit like, "A man has two things in this world: his word and his balls. Or is that three things?" This movie is amazing. NED LANNAMANN

recommended Earth Girls Are Easy (1988)
The Platonic ideal of a Jeff Goldblum film: He spends a fair chunk of the film with his shirt off, covered in head-to-toe blue fur, wooing beautiful valley girl Geena Davis by playing sweet jazz piano. COURTNEY FERGUSON

Fay Grim (2006)
This sequel to Hal Hartley's Henry Fool pairs Jeff Goldblum and Parker Posey in an eccentricity-off! But while Goldblum predates Posey in twitchy, unreasonable sensuality, she steals the fire from him in every scene! What do you think of this theory: Parker Posey = woman Jeff Goldblum? Too far? SUZETTE SMITH

recommended The Fly (1986)
People think of David Cronenberg's squicky The Fly in all sorts of ways: an AIDS allegory, a master class in old-school effects, one of Cronenberg's best. It's actually all these things, and each part relies on Jeff Goldblum. Good thing nobody can sell "guy transforming into disgusting vomit-insect" like Goldblum can! (Except maybe Kafka? But Kafka is dead.) ERIK HENRIKSEN

Friends (2003)
In Friends' season nine episode "The One with the Mugging," Jeff Goldblum plays "Leonard Hayes," the director of a play Joey's eagerly auditioning for. If you suspect that Joey whining, "I am bursting with Yoo-hoo!" foreshadows the fact that Joey, bursting with Yoo-hoo, will urinate on Jeff Goldblum, you are correct! You are also correct if you suspect that Friends is much, much worse than you remember. ERIK HENRIKSEN

recommended The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)
Wes Anderson's Goldblumian tragedy, in which Goldblum's "Deputy Kovacs" is separated from his cat and his fingers. The severing of Kovacs' fingers is met with a scream. The death of Kovacs' cat—caused by Willem Dafoe, who tosses it out a window—is met with Goldblum asking, "Did he just throw my cat out of the window?" This scene inspired a New Yorker think piece, "Does Wes Anderson Hate Cats?" ERIK HENRIKSEN

recommended Igby Goes Down (2002)
A film that captures what it's like to grow up in a deeply dysfunctional family in a way that's dark and funny but never glib. Kieran Culkin somehow makes his Holden Caulfield-adjacent character likeable, while Jeff Goldblum subverts his own natural good humor as a monstrous, selfish dandy. MEGAN BURBANK

recommended Incident at Loch Ness (2004)
This mockumentary finds "Werner Herzog" (Werner Herzog) searching for the Loch Ness monster. But while scanning the screen for Nessie, keep an eye out for "Jeff Goldblum" (Jeff Goldblum). Then wonder why Herzog and Goldblum haven't made more movies together. Then wonder why Herzog and Goldblum haven't made all their movies together. ERIK HENRIKSEN

recommended Independence Day (1996)
"You'd all be dead now if it wasn't for my David!" Judd Hirsch brays at the president's cabinet, but the line applies just as well to director Roland Emmerich: The only reason this flaming mountain of '90s cheese didn't melt into a lake of Velveeta is because Goldblum holds it up like a bespectacled, stammering Atlas. Yeah yeah, Will Smith, "Welcome to Earth," saluting and speechifying, I know. But this film (and Earth itself) only survived because of one man, his devotion to science, and his Apple PowerBook (8 MB RAM, PowerPC 603e@100-117 MHz). BOBBY ROBERTS

recommended Into the Night (1985)
Jeff Goldblum IS "Ed Okin," an insomniac who stumbles into a mess of blood, breasts, and B.B. King. John Landis' underrated comedy/splatter hybrid captures the hazy, anything-can-happen quality of late-night LA. Cool as its tangents are (David Bowie as a hitman!), they wouldn't work without Goldblum's befuddled, dozy presence at the center. He can't believe he's seeing this shit, either. ANDREW WRIGHT

recommended Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)
When alien gourds start replacing everyone you love and civilization devolves and A DOG RUNS AROUND WITH A HUMAN FACE, who would you want at your side? Correct: Jeff Goldblum. ERIK HENRIKSEN

recommended Jurassic Park (1993)
Jurassic Park is about a beautiful mathematician, "Ian Malcolm" (Jeff Goldblum), and a cock-blocking paleontologist, "Alan Grant" (Sam Neill). Grant manipulates reincarnated dinosaurs to stop Malcolm from sexing on paleobotanist "Ellie Sattler" (Laura Dern) and tricks him into shaking a flare in a T. Rex's face—but the joke's on Grant, because Malcolm spends the second half of the movie shirtless! Jurassic Park presents bold new themes of finding love and overcoming shirts. ELINOR JONES

Law & Order: Criminal Intent (2009-2010)
Jeff Goldblum's Sherlock-style detective "Zack Nichols" returns to the force—after a mysterious seven-year absence—bearing bagels and rambling about the culinary diversity he found near a crime scene. Over the course of L&O:CI's eighth season, Goldblum replaces Vincent D'Onofrio, who's been suffering from rage problems. Goldblum never rages, preferring to listen intently and make suave suppositions. In season nine, the police station lighting softens and warms, bringing out Goldblum's natural glow. SUZETTE SMITH

recommended The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004)
Is Jeff Goldblum's "Alistair Hennessey"—the silver-spectacled, scarf-wearing, wine-sipping, couch-lounging coverboy of Oceanographic Explorer magazine—the best thing in The Life Aquatic, a film that's basically made up of nothing but great things? Yes, he is. ERIK HENRIKSEN

The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)
Anyone conscious during the '90s will tell you how disappointed they were by The Lost World. I knew it sucked when I was six years old. BUT! The film does star Jeff Goldblum, whose return performance is the film's only redeeming quality. MORGAN TROPER

Mister Frost (1990)
Jeff Goldblum IS "Mister Frost," an urbane gentleman committed to a French asylum after 24 bodies are discovered in his garden. Oh, and he may also be the Devil? I probably should have led with that. Mister Frost's pretensions are nearly as fierce as Goldblum's magnificent mullet, but Goldblum is an icky hoot. ANDREW WRIGHT

recommended Nashville (1975)
Jeff Goldblum IS "Tricycle Man," a silent, enigmatic figure who... well, doesn't do much of anything, honestly. (He briefly performs a magic trick with a scarf, which, you know, wow.) Even with lips firmly zipped, Goldblum's presence gives Robert Altman's sprawling masterpiece an undeniable extra layer of texture. Plus, that is one sweet three-wheeler. ANDREW WRIGHT

Portlandia (2012-2015)
Jeff Goldblum is scattered throughout Portlandia, usually playing wacky proprietors—like the wacky proprietor of the Doily Shoppe, the wacky proprietor of the artisanal Knot Store ("You could pair this with a rosé, or even a white burgundy," he says, shilling tangled iPhone headphones in a glass case), or "The Pull Out King," the wacky proprietor of a futon store. ("They call me, of course, the Pull Out King because, uh, of these, um uh, sofas that, um, pull out into a bed.") He's the best. DOUG BROWN

Run Ronnie Run (2002)
The Mr. Show crew's foray into movies was drastically hit-and-miss, but this film is worth watching just to hear Goldblum overly enunciate the line, "I want... a gnome or a hobbit or an elf to sleep at the foot of my bed." Don't we all, Jeff! NED LANNAMANN

Saturday Night Live (1993, 1997)
Jeff Goldblum has hosted SNL twice, first in 1993 to promote Jurassic Park and again in 1997 to promote The Lost World. Those were... not great cast years. Goldblum mostly plays straight man to the likes of Rob Schneider, with little of the amiable, high-concept rambling that more Goldblum-appropriate comedy employs. The standout sketch is probably "Karl's Video," in which Goldblum, playing himself, tries to rent VHS porn from David Spade. BEN COLEMAN

recommended Silverado (1985)
Writer/director Lawrence Kasdan mishandled the gem that is Goldblum in The Big Chill, but two years later he roped him into joining Silverado, his tribute to the western. Here Goldblum is deployed perfectly, as a greasy gambler who lopes into the movie and starts stealing scenes, girls, cash—fuckin' everything. Without him, Silverado's a pretty good homage. With him, it becomes a genre classic. BOBBY ROBERTS

recommended The Simpsons (1996)
"A Fish Called Selma" is the episode where Selma dates Troy McClure. Remember? Goldblum voices McClure's sleazy agent, the headset-phone-wearing MacArthur Parker. Remember? He scores McClure the leading role in that Planet of the Apes musical, Stop the Planet of the Apes I Want to Get Off. Remember? Man. The Simpsons used to be great. NED LANNAMANN

The Tall Guy (1989)
Goldblum plays an American actor in London in this tacky comedy from Love Actually writer Richard Curtis. Though it's not without a small amount of charm, it hasn't aged well, with tired nymphomaniac jokes, a slapstick sex scene with a naked Emma Thompson, an Elephant Man spoof musical, and Goldblum's worst haircut in any movie. NED LANNAMANN

Transylvania 6-5000 (1985)
I must've had shit taste when I was kid, because I remember liking this garbage pile of a monster movie/comedy. Jeff Goldblum, however, is very handsome and sardonic and charming, and Geena Davis is effervescent as an underdressed vampire who inexplicably falls for Ed Begley Jr. The rest of this movie can eat glass. COURTNEY FERGUSON

recommended Vibes (1988)
Jeff Goldblum and Cyndi Lauper are psychics. Peter Falk is a grifter. Everyone goes to Ecuador in search of a crystal pyramid! What else do you want? This film was Lauper's first, and she later admitted she yelled at Goldblum for putting "his big fat hands all over [her] face" during their makeout rehearsals. *insert Goldblum growl noise* SUZETTE SMITH


recommended MEANS WE RECOMMEND IT. Non-Goldblum reviews and movie times are available here.