Dear neighborhood recycle bin hunters:

We have a pact, I don't hassle you when you come onto my property, you hide my alcoholism from my neighbors by cleaning out the bin a couple of times a week.

You haven't been around lately even though I live a couple of blocks away from a grocery store. Lets keep your oath, shall we? I can already feel the shame of of my neighbors eyes on me after I haul a second bottle container out to the curb and the morning brings a double bin dump this week.

I'm not opposed to fluoride but i thought "well it's a democracy, what's the harm of a public vote?" It was easier than starting a discussion. Now i see that every signature was a de facto vote for the opposition. Sure, you have doctors on your side that opposite fluoride, but you can find people on either side of any argument and really, you have chiropractors. Are these the same people that don't trust vaccinations because they're made by large corporations? Why, because locally crafted, artisanal vaccinations would be better? Do you know how surprised i was to find out that Portland doesn't fluoridate? By your argument, every major city in the US should have succumbed to ruins by now.
Next time i won't take the easy way out.

Dear Dickhead, (which is evidently your new brain)- After sharing the past 6 years of my life w/ you, I never imagined I’d be so utterly disgusted that I don’t even want to see your face. One minute you’re whispering I love you’s to me, and the next your taking college girl’s numbers at a party. One minute your making love to me and telling me how lucky you are, the next you’re grinding on a girl who looks like she’s in high school. Last week you’re surprising me at work, cuddling with me every night, and this week you suddenly feel like dating other people. You say you still love me, but it’d be fun to get some new pussy into the mix. WTF! Seriously? Well good for you— you inconsiderate, selfish, piece of shit. Thanks for throwing away 6 years 'cause there was some cute flirty girls at a college party. You’re the type of creep that gives men a bad rep, and supports the mistrust and distance women have among each other. Have fun on your new journey to find new pussy- I hope it has fucking teeth and bites your dick off.

Ever fucking kinda wonder how no one helps or talks to you when you wear your sunglasses INSIDE a business?

Well maybe this summer, the stick that was in your ass last summer can get jammed a little further here...

You are not commanding any attention if I cannot see your eyes.

Go and fuck your sunglasses.

I

I don’t need to know your personal life, in very descriptive detail and neither does the bar.

I have you two in the middle booth. A grandma and grandpa the booth to your right, and a very good looking single bar regular to your left. And even with all that, every time I walked up to check up on you, you were still talking about the STD he gave you. Your girlfriend who you were accompanied with, had such a mortified look on her face that every time I passed your table, I could tell that she’d rather be in a white dress, in a crowded room starting her period.

At one point during your two and a half hour conversation about what it’s like to have chlamydia, your food came. Not just your food, both tables at each side of you. I finally put money in the juke box and turned the music up a slightly bit higher than normal, just to give your conversation the privacy it needed. But after about the second song, you personally asked me to turn it off because it was too loud to have a conversation.

You’re conversation got so graphic, my really good looking bar regular pulled me in and asked if I would be offended if he said something to you. Of course I said no, but what I wish I would have said was “well what are you going to say to her?” You already had your tab on the table (my hint trying to get you to leave) What I’ll never know is, what he said to you that made you leave $40 on a $23.25 tab and walk out leaving the rest as a tip. TBC until I see him again, to say thank you.

C'mon ladies...
So a guy held the door for you and called you "sweetheart," or whatever. And since you're a woman and he's a man he obviously was a condescending shit bird to do such a thing.Here's the thing-maybe he was just being nice. Sure, you don't NEED a MAN to hold a door for you, but maybe he didn't do it because he thinks your vagina makes you weak. Again, maybe he did it to be nice. Are you implying that woman wouldn't hold a door open for man if the situation was reversed? Are woman just assholes? And sure, the "sweetheart" thing. You know, my grandmother called everyone "honey." Male or female. And she didn't use that word as a pejorative toward men. It was how she spoke. So maybe the man who had the unmitigated temerity to hold a door for you just talks that way because that's how he talks. Not every male gesture is an attack on women. Just something to remember for next time, so you don't right another letter like your last one and sound like such an asshole.

Dude, only a guy would chuck his spent condoms out a bedroom window. I get it. You have abandonment issues..

Here's what's up though. Our cat likes to bring them into our home. He is also proud of his find as he seems to ALWAYS include your entire load as well.

A few times he's tore them up in the hallway and the kitchen. It's a fucking nasty gross mess.
The worse part is now I feel sorta parental with it all. I mean, should I charge you a rate similar to child care for the clean up?

And now the conteplations....how would I really be with a douchey little fuck-of-a-son, with choded, gauged out ears and a lady friend with a bunch of horrible poetry tattooed in nice calligraphy placed all over her nicer parts.Yuck.

Well, I'll never truly know. But if you keep it up, a brief confrontation later they are gonna start to either get mailed back to you, dropped in your mailbox, set upon your car for starters.

This is to the mooch musicians who infest art events to which they have not been invited. You find out about an art event, where artists have paid for spaces to sell their art and try to make a living, or part of their living, set up without asking, divert all attention to yourselves, pulling attendees away from the artists who paid for the street to be closed, facilities and publicity. The artists who did everything that made the event possible are demoted to backdrops for you and your bucket to collect money from the crowd. Even if members of the public approach the art booths, you play so loud that it's impossible to have the conversations necessary to sell the art. Unamplified voices can't compete with amplified sound.

The musician who put this artist over the edge was bragged into the microphone that they'd "created a street party" as they attracted a crowd that not only blocked the street & sidewalk, but actually got so big they were dancing inside booth spaces, among the works of art that had been placed there by an artist with the intention of selling something, as if the art pieces were merely decorations for a discotheque.

No, you didn't "create" a street party - you stole one! Stole the publicity, the crowd and the opportunity to sell art that the artists had paid to access. You actually robbed the artists twice - the money they paid to rent the spaces, and the money they didn't make because it was impossible to sell while your music dominated the event.

I just took a cab ride home from a man that is widowed because his wife's father murdered her! Why I get entrenched in my cabbies life I dunno. I searched the web trying to find the truth (he said I've prob seen it on tv). I dunno. But I got nothin. And I am a master data miner (non hacker).

I am so intrigued and yet so sad by his story. Does anyone else talk to their cabbies?

Usually I just get the random foreigner ( which I am ok with along as they're not trying to rip me off) but this conversation stuck.... So sad.... I just want to know the story.....

To the fuckers on my left and right (and behind). Check it out. I got ants. Fucking bad. Not sure if you do or not but here it goes: bitch ass hipsters in the rental on my left and fucked ass yuppies on my right.

Check it out. I'm redirecting like 6 or more colonies to both your houses. Why? It's the cheapest method the do-it-yourself pest control advocates.

Really, why? Fuckers on the left? Fuck you and your rental shit/problems. Stop it with the 3 am porch chatting, smoking, puking, burping and mow that lawn.

Fuckers on the right. Vote more correctly and smartly.

In the meantime, here comes a shit-ton of ants. Pheromes are on my side for a change and you bitches are about to get swarmed.....

What the fuck happened? Everything was rosy and awesome, then your old ex threw a fit that you found love and you dumped me out of the blue. 2 weeks later I peed on a stick, and another and another and another. Yep, fucking positive. Now, as a ticking biological time bomb who wants kids with horrible taste in men who is now pregnant (hormone fucking irrational) I thought about keeping it with you signing away your paternity (you didn't want to tell your new old girl) When I went to learn about abortion choices, I naturally miscarried, and you got dumped by her. I woke up the next day and my head was so clear, I can't believe that I actually thought about keeping your baby. I fucking hate drama and hormones and you.

You know, I really do love this city. I love the food, the architecture, the scenery, and the convenience of most things. But for fuck's sake, the people in the city need to get a life. I am twenty years old, I want to smack the guy(or girl) who said "People in their 20's come to PDX to retire." Fuck you. I have never had to work harder in my life. Also, I am sick of competing with college grads for shitty minimum wage jobs.If you have a degree, have some ambition and go get a real job! Those jobs are for people like me; those without degrees and without people who love them. Another thing; if I so happen to walk down Hawthorne avenue, I do not "have any spare change bro", so fuck off, I have bills to pay.

The sex is awesome. We do it 3, 5 times a day. Last few weeks have been amazing! Thank you for being a lousy lay btw. I see what's coming as well.... I'm making choices see. You neglected this part.

I'm going to keep on fucking and sucking her until it gets just a hair more beyond this. Then, when the commitment slapper comes looking for me, guess what???

Gone. Gone and gone. Fucking a, a mother of a good fuck. I'll be totally g to the one.

On to the next. Yep. I'm that asshole. Here I am There I go.....

Later, you crying sad sack of shit....I fucked your ex!

I understand that smell is linked to memory; the workings of it are unknowable to me. The butter in the pan foamed as it began to burn and now I remember what I ate during the last night of your stay in the hospital. You said that it was okay for me to take one of your food tickets because you weren't eating anything anyways. I tried to think of what you might have wanted to taste at that moment. The elevator I took downstairs was made to accommodate gurneys and wheelchairs, but I was in neither. It was about 3:00am and the cafeteria was mostly empty. I was going to eat your last meal; it was a task with too much meaning for me at the time. I put a few spoonfuls of egg custard inside of my mouth. Then I walked outside and traced my way around the hospital. And I fucking prayed. I hated myself for it.

I am still eating your last meal. You never told me what you might have wanted.

Refusing to contribute or participate is the height of privilege. Get it? Didn't think so.

No, that plate isn't either. And when you put a plate with grease on the bottom of it on top of another plate, then both dishes are now dirty. Now, I get to rewash two plates yay! Telling you this makes me a tyrant. Not a person asking you to behave like an adult. I asked you not to take my clothes out of the washer and set them on the dryer. When I'm home call out to me, if I'm not, put them in a clean garbage bag or my hamper. Oh, but you continue to do it. I didn't know it was a fight. I thought I was asking you to behave as an adult. This is what makes me a tyrant. I have to ask you to buy toilet paper? I have to ask you clean a room? Wow. Anarchism = personal responsibility AND respect for others, not ignoring others needs and wants and then insulting them when they ask you to act like any adult would be expected to act.

I THOUGHT that journalists were supposed to actually ASK questions of people in authority, as opposed to toe-ing the line for them. Fluoride is the ONLY substance categorized as a "protected pollutant". Betcha didn't look that one up, did ya merc "news" staff? Eleven of the EPA's unions, made up of the people who actually study this stuff, are demanding that the EPA classify fluoride a zero-tolerance poison. NTEU280.org has actual information! Get over your class guilt, whitey!

I was in my car driving through the intersection @ 42nd and Killingsworth tonight. You and your posse decided to be a crew of those tough gang banger wannabes and disregard the signal. Slowly walking against it as I had to slam on my brakes( to avoid a possible manslaughter charges) and not hit you.

As this was all going down, I can hear the chorus of "ohhhh" from both sides of the street.

"Shit" I thought and said aloud. We all stopped, you; the punkass point in the middle of this said some trashy idle threats our way. I put on the ebrake and got out to confront you. The three of you circled me as cars honked and you threatened to kick my ass. The guy in the truck behind me walked right up to the first one of you and punched you in the face, really hard.. The rest(and you now with a broken nose) ran like the wind.

People from all sides of the intersection stepped out to clap, others called it in to the police. I waited and filled out a report, pointing out the complex you bitches scampered off too.

Your actions were like Michael Douglas in that falling down movie. Guy in the bronco, you are now my hero...

Thank you!

Why is the cleanliness in the kitchen controlled by the person that wants the kitchen the cleanest and the activities in the bedroom controlled by the person that wants it the least? I've heard, "Sometimes I just don't want anything up me." Men have one mood every day. When I bought a new car, I want to bang the wife, when I had pneumonia, I want to tap the lady, when my Dad got hit by a car as a pedestrian, I want to taste it. Wrecked the car? Lost a job? Thats right, lets get it on. Women reward staying single, by making it harder to get sex in marriage. The joke is: What the one food that stops women from having sex? Wedding Cake! Theres more sex outside marriage, but that's not why I'm writing, I found a fact. McCain has 6 kids, Palin has 7 kids, Mitz Romney has 5 sons. Paul Ryan? 6. W. had two, and all other overbreeders are Republicans. Leading by example, a picture is worth a thousand words but an example is worth a thousand pictures. Republicans want to reduce abortion rights, that makes more people competing with those already here. Duh. Clinton had one child, Obama, two, Carter had the one, Amy. Remember? How are we supposed to stabilize the population, get jobs, food, transportation for everybody when theres more and more people? 14-year olds are going to work in 4 years, the 18 year olds should be going to work now. 6 year-olds have 12 years for the economy to get fixed so they can get a job. The downturn is 5 years old now. Do the math. Plan the baby.

I have a favor to ask of all Portlanders - when street parking (especially when there is only room for two cars between the signs), can you please pull all the way up? Maybe it's a stupid pet peeve but it annoys the shit out of me when someone parks right in the center of what should be two spaces.

I was at a metal show last night. There was a girl (who probably has no idea who Cliff Burton was), who was thrashing her head around. Every 3 or 4 minutes, she'd stop...and fix her fucking hair. I mean, she'd actually take out her barrette and fuck with her bangs and put the barrette back in. Pretty metal, right? Here's my advice to girls who need to fix their hair while headbanging: NOBODY FUCKING CARES WHAT YOUR HAIR LOOKS LIKE. TRY NOT GIVING A SHIT. YOU'LL HAVE SO MUCH MORE FUN.

On the night of 4/20 you hit me in you car as I crossed the bike x-ing of Going and MLK. My bike few off, my body rag dolled, my girlfriend shrieked, I looked down at my shoes and noticed how shining they were (with blood), I brought my hand up to my head and felt a wet loose symbol of sorts. You sped off. The paramedics came, I saw a doctor and I limped off. I'm lucky to be alive. However, somehow during the wreck I received a perfect Swastika deeply embedded in the center of my forehead. Charles Manson, style only a little bigger. By the way, 4/20 is Adolf Hitler's birthday. Pretty fucking strange if you ask me. So, I have no ill will but just wanted to thank you for my new identity, you fucking magical Nazi or Zionist demon. You weren't even driving a Volkswagen.

You deserved to get shit-canned. Making it impossible to contact the actual rental company. Literally botching evictions and just letting the crazy tweekers stay. Renting out larger apartments and townhomes out to your family and friends, and then putting all the crackheads and poor folk on the other side of the complex. You didn't even run backround checks on the newer tenants. I saw someone breaking up crack rocks through their window just walking by.
I live in a slum. You were a slumlord and I hope they press charges for the money you "allegedly" pocketed. Because I work my ass off to pay for this shitbox until I can get out of debt and out of here. You and you're little trophy girlfriend can GTFO. And HA HA, you're even going to be banned from the property, you unprofessional thieving fuck. Guess family functions will be strained now fucker!

Dear "Butcher" at Upscale Organic Chain,

You're the most expensive store in town, generally about 10% higher than the immediate competition. And yet, when I ask for two-thirds (2/3, .67) of a pound of ground beef, you give me more than three quarters (3/4. .75) of a pound.

What the fuck? I tried to make it easier for you by not asking for "point six" pounds, which can confuse some people, but you still fuck it up. The most basic task at the meat counter, weighing ground beef.

Then when I ask you to give me less, you take off a tiny amount and try to sell me the same giant pile of meat! Now I'm annoyed, and I say, "just give me half a pound," since the concept of thirds is clearly too much for you.

So what do you do? You haul the entire sheet of butcher paper up on the scale like a punk. So not only do I have to buy less meat than I wanted, I have to also pay for the fucking GIANT PIECE OF PAPER for five bucks a pound, which means even less meat.

Then just to show your "professionalism," you do a shitty job wrapping and labeling it, which just makes life harder for the checkout girl as she has to try to scan it.

Just fuck you. I like my butchers, I treat them with respect. You're an embarrassment to the profession who can't even WEIGH GROUND BEEF properly.

I cannot believe what I hear out of the mouths of Portlanders/Oregonians. I understand people pick different words, have altered dialect/intonations, but to lose tense altogether? I saw a package in my shipping dept. labeled: "This Box Needs Shipped", so I scribbled over it, "This box needs TO BE shipped", its still here- shipped is past tense so it either needs to be shipped or has been shipped, but here it is. Then someone told me their house 'needs painted'. The house has either been painted or needs to be painted, but it cannot 'needs painted'. I've heard motorsickle, crick, car needs warshed. Cycle, creek, wash, damn. Is this what happens when libraries get underfunded? Nobody in the group that heard 'I'm orientated' even corrected the guy. Attending an orientation means you meet to be told, steered, centered. To orientate is to get that information, orientation already happened, its past tense. I'm Canadian and I may yelp out "Eh?", or be all inclusive when I say, "All ya'll" or a group of men and women I may call "You guys", but I never 'needs spoke'. If it already came out of your mouth its spoken. If you haven't said it yet, it needs to be spoken. I came here in 1989, thinking all the smarter people came West in search of the place where its not screwed up yet. Is it Medford these people needs go to? WOW, the dumbassification of America is scary.