I suppose all immigrants should pick up a copy of "How To Speak Southern".

"Ah neeed tah change mah awl."

"Whahr did Ah put that dang 'ol tar arn?"

"I declare!"

Looks like you need to re-read that manual, SPK. In Southern, it's "I declay-uh!"

Other lessons: "here" has two syllables (he-uh), while "ruin" has only one (and sometimes an additional 'r' (ruhrn).

Lordy, if that's the biggest problem in Alabama right now--like big enough for a governor candidate to teleport around the screen to piano music--then Alabama must be some yokel-topia.

Thanks, ElGordo. I'm not yet fluent.

Maybe it's the racist in you Tim. Just mah-bee.

just sayin'

http://youtubedoubler.com/?video1=http ://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DB9ohsvJHkbY%26feature%3Dplayer_embedded&start1=&video2=http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DxmKNNHctti0%26feature%3Drelated&start2=&authorName=Real

well that didn't work... this should http://tinyurl.com/2cpox7q

Join the movement against this racist:

http://unitedagainsttimjames.wordpress.com…

No, this ad will blow your freaking mind:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOcu43nVuvI

Yeah, he's a yahoo, but I got to thinking, where does it stop? At some point, some language group isn't going to be served. And what do you say to the citizen who can't speak English but can speak Icelandic or can write in cuneiform but not the English alphabet?

Remember when southerners were all genteel, white suited guys who sipped mint juleps, fanned themselves on the veranda and insisted you call them "the Colonel"? Remember the way their languid drawl used to wash over your ears like a mixture of Kentucky bourbon and Duke's mayonnaise? Remember the pride they used to take in treating their slaves more kindly the neighbors? When did they turn into a bunch of knuckle dragging, Nascar obsessed, Moon Mist swilling crackers? What on Earth has become of these people?

Ah, memories. Years back, I used to work in a call center for a company that handled electronic payments for utility companies, and we got LOTS of calls from people just like him. With half of them, they were calling solely to complain that we had no reason to offer a Spanish line because "they need to learn them some English," and the other half would call up for one issue or another, hang up, and keep calling until they got someone who "sounded American." Not only did this offend me because they were spouting off against good friends and cohorts against the Hillbilly Mob, but the loudest ones were the ones who also took their mother tongue and made it squeal like a pig. More than a few times, I wanted to stop customers for Alabama Power (and for equal time, the idiots in Ohio and Pennsylvania are even more racist than those in the Deep South) and ask them "Sir/Ma'am, could you please take your grandson's penis out of your mouth until we're finished with this call?" (After a while, we described the unique capability of southern Ohioans to speak with their mouths remaining wide open at all times as "Conversational Ichthyostegid".)

And while this doesn't apply to Tim James, seeing as how he has the same scrotum passing for a mandible as any number of Family Guy characters, I'm also fond of a quote from Garth Ennis: "Ever notice how the biggest boosters of the white race are always the worst examples of it? YOU! Where the FUCK is your chin?"

It blows my mind that people forget that we are all immigrants with the exception of NATIVE AMERICANS . None of which are white , or from Alabama . I'll bet this rascist proudly flies a rebel flag in his front yard , beats his wife , and has at least one son named Grant .

And probably one named Cletus, as well...