Um... you've got it all wrong Steve. The US of A is falling dangerously behind in the inflatable-launching-device arms race with the rest of the world. We need to apply some gosh-darned 'merican ingenuity and show those pinko-commie-socialist-homos how real red-blooded heteros launch people with pneumatics.
Would an L-shaped one work better? Laying longways, with the shorter leg vertical? Jump onto the top of that one and you'd be pushing more air as you fell onto the column. Right?