GOOD MORNING, SARAH! I'M SURPRISED TO SEE MERC NEWS UPDATES THIS EARLY, BUT I LIKE IT! THERE'S A TYPO IN THE WORD "BARRACUDA" BUT "BARRACUDE" SOUNDS LIKE IT COULD BE THE CLUB'S EQUALLY DOUCHEY FRENCH COUSIN!
IN A WEIRD WAY, I RESPECT LADA GAGA'S COMPLETE COMMITMENT TO HER SARTORIAL SHTICK!

GOOD MORNING SMIRK, BLOGTOWN! I WAS OUT OF TOWN FOR THE LAST WEEK-AND-A-HALF, DID I MISS ANYTHING EXCITING? ARE WE STILL DOING THE CAPS-LOCK-IS-CRUISE-CONTROL-FOR-COOL THING?

GOOD MORNING ALL OF YOU. IN MANY WAYS THAT IS THE LEAST SHOCKING WAY I'VE SEEN LADY GAGA DRESS IN RECENT MEMORY. FOX NEWS IS TRULY AWFUL.

GOOD MORNING, SMIRK! GOOD MORNING, COMMENTERS! WHY DOES ISRAEL KEEP DOING SHIT TO MAKE PEACE TALKS IMPOSSIBLE?

GOOD MORNING EVERYONE! "riding one of his two-wheel machines off a cliff" IS AN "accident"? SEEMS FAIRLY PURPOSEFUL TO ME.

GOOD MORNING ALL! THE REPUBLICAN PRIMARY DEBATES ARE GOING TO BE THE BEST TV SHOWS EVER. AND IF IT BECOMES A TEA PARTY/REPUBLICAN AFFAIR, I WOULD ORDER PAY PER VIEW TO WATCH CHRISTINE O'DONNELL V. SARAH PALIN.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN TWELVE REPUBLICANS ALL SHARE A HOUSE, COMPETING THROUGH A SERIES OF CHALLENGES TO WIN THE GOP'S PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION?

FIND OUT THIS FALL ON FREEDOM MANOR, ONLY ON FOX!

SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOUR GOP CANDIDATES STOP BEING POLITE, AND START GETTING REAL?

GOOD MORNING GUYS! I HATE TO LAUGH AT PEOPLE WHO'VE DIED, BUT RIDING OFF A CLIFF IN AN OFFROADING SEGWAY MAKES IT DAMN HARD.

WOW, WAY TO FORMAT YOUR WEBSITE, HERALD NEWS (THE STORY ABOUT OBAMA'S EDUCATION PLAN). WAY TO FORMAT IT TERRIBLY.

GOOD MORNING. I WENT TO THE DENTIST AT 8AM THIS MORNING.

GOOD EVENING EVERYONE. DOES ANYONE ELSE THINK LADY GAGA LOOKS LIKE HILARY CLINTON?

ISRAELEOTARDS-I JUST MADE THAT UP!

Lessons learned-- never give back to the losing side in a war, never send a General to make a lasting peace.

If Israel never did the land for peace thing, we could now visit the pyramids on the West Bank, Beirut would still be a commerce hub, the desert would still be flowering, America would be 30 years into an energy independence program, and our national debt would be a few trillion dollars less. The Brits carved TransJordan into three new counties to create a home for Palestinian, and Jewish refuges. They went to war and lost Palestine plus the West Bank in the mid 60's to 70's.

Or if the Arabs could ever win a war there would have never been a Balfour Declaration and we would all be speaking German.