GOOD MORNING! I DIDN'T GET TO VISIT EGYPT LAST YEAR BECAUSE THE ICELANDIC VOLCANO TRAPPED ME IN LONDON, WHERE I WAS FORCED TO SUBSIST ON BANGERS AND MUSHY PEAS FOR DAYS ON END. HOPEFULLY I CAN GO SOMEDAY AND SEE THE PYRAMIDS IF THE TALIBAN DON'T TAKE OVER AND PULL THEM DOWN. YES IT'S ALL ABOUT ME.

GOOD MORNING TODD AND BLOGTOWN!

MIDWEST STORM MEANS MY WIFE GETS TO STAY HOME WITH BONZI.TV AND I THIS WEEK!

@TODD:
I ATE A LOT OF BANGERS AND MASH IN AUSTRALIA, ATE BANGERS LAST NIGHT HERE IN AMERICA TOO. BANGERS REALLY TRANSCEND CONTINENTS!

GOOD MORNING, ALL! I'M GOING TO CHICAGO ON FRIDAY FOR DINNER AND A SHOW. I GUESS IT WAS NICE KNOWING YOU ALL?

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTIE BLAH BLAHS! DIDJA MISS ME? OF COURSE YOU DID.

I’M GOING TO GO AHEAD AND SAY THIS OUT LOUD. I AM THOROUGHLY DISAPPOINTED AT THE CALIBER OF COMMENTING HERE IN MY SHORT ABSENCE. TRULY A MYRIAD OF FUCKING BLAH. WHERE MAH BITCHES AT? YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THIS. ESPECIALLY THIS TODD MECKLEM TOOL…POSSIBLY THE MOST SHALLOW SPARKLEPOOL OF PETTY INANITY I’VE EVER WANTED TO PISS IN IN MY LIFE.

HERE WSH HAS PROVIDED US SUCH FODDER AS IDIOT OREGON CITY TEENS SHOOTING EACHOTHER’S FACES OFF WITH GUNS, HUMAN BEINGS KILLED BY THE LAZIEST ANIMAL ON THE FACE OF THE EFFING PLANET, AND NKOTB HOMOS, AND ALL I GET ARE “BANGERS AND MASH?????”

BANGERS AND GODDAMN MASH????? FRICK! FRICKITY FRICK FRICK!

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN.

WELCOME BACK CAT! I TOO HAVE BECOME BORED WITH THE LEVEL OF CONVERSATION HAPPENING AROUND THESE PARTS. TOO MANY PEOPLE TRYING TO PLAY NICE AND NOT OFFEND EACH OTHER. THESE PEOPLE NEED A LITTLE SPICE IN THEIR LIVES.

"SO GET YOUR KNEES FLEXIN' AND YOUR ARMS T-REXIN"...THAT'S A GREAT LINE!

@A CAT: I LOVE YOU TOO! BTW, IT WAS "BANGERS AND MUSHY PEAS." HUMANCLOCK MENTIONED MASH. TRY READING MORE CAREFULLY BEFORE WRITING YOUR NEXT MASH NOTE.

@GRAHAM: THE MOST BORING COMMENT EVER COMPLAINING THAT THINGS ARE TOO BORING AROUND HERE. ALMOST BRILLIANT.

ALSO, CAT: YOU SPELLED MY NAME CORRECTLY, YOU PRAISED ME WITH FAINT DAMNS ... HELL, EVEN *I* THINK YOU'RE MY SOCKPUPPET AT THIS POINT.

THE NICE LEAVE IT TO BEAVER-ERA COMMENTING HERE IS ACTUALLY MORE EXCITING. EVERY OTHER COMMENT BOARD IS NOTHING BUT "YOU SUCK"/"NO, YOU SUCK!" POSTINGS, HENCE WE ARE JUST TRYING TO BE A BIT UNIQUE HERE.

SIDE NOTE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN DRIVE TO HAWAII?
HTTP://WWW.TINYURL.COM/pdx2hawaii

@HUMANCLOCK: A KAYAK IS NOT A CAR THEREFORE YOU'RE NOT DRIVING TO HAWAII. TRY AGAIN.

GOOD AFTERNOON BT CRUISERS! I'LL STOP THERE LEST I DISAPPOINT THE BULLY.

I REALIZE IT IS EXCEEDINGLY DIFFICULT TO WRAP ONE'S TINY NARCISSISTIC BRAIN AROUND SUCH A CONCEPT AS "COMMENTING ON 2 BORING COMMENTS AT ONCE," BUT THAT MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN WHAT I WAS DOING, TADD MOCKLUM. (IT WAS.)

IS THIS NOT THE POINT AT WHICH YOU FORM SOME SORT OF NU SKOOL BLOGTOWN UPRISING WHERE A NON-CAPS STAND IS TAKEN IN THE FORM OF REBUTTAL VIA LYRICS OF LOCAL BANDS GONE NATIONAL OR SOMETHING EQUALLY IMPERTINENT?

@GRAHAM:

MAYBE SOMEDAY, ALTHOUGH IT LOOKS LIKE PLANS FOR A BRIDGE ARE NOT COMING TO FRUITION, NOR IS SOMEBODY'S PLAN FOR A JOKE WEBSITE ABOUT IT:

HTTP://WWW.BRIDGETOHAWAII.COM

@A CAT: I SEE THAT YOU'RE AN EXPERT ON MY WORK. MY FIRST FAN, SO EXCITING! AND THE FIFTH-GRADE STYLE MOCKERY MAKES ME NOSTALGIC FOR 1976. BICENTENNIAL QUARTERS ALL AROUND!

HERE ARE SOME NAMES YOU CAN SAVE FOR LATER:

TOAD MCCLAM

TARD MEEKLUM

TOOD MORKLIM

@HUMANCLOCK: AT THIS POINT A BRIDGE TO SELLWOOD IS ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT.

@humanclock -- My mole people are working as hard as they can, but Hawaii only wants to move about 9 cm per year toward the Northwest.

@Todd Mecklem-- PYRAMIDS don't bother they are fakes Vector stole the real ones. Don't you have cable ?