Discomfort Zone Jul 26, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Let's Make Things Very Uncomfortable for Sarah Mirk

Ezra Ace Caraeff
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Comments

1
Work at the Tillamook Cheese Factory for a full eight hour shift. Wave at tourists.
Night Moves on July 26, 2011 at 1:52 PM Report this
2
Couldn't she accompany some Mormons on a mission?
ingrid on July 26, 2011 at 1:57 PM Report this
3
Rule Zero: NO BOOZE

(Sorry, Sarah)
BrianM on July 26, 2011 at 1:57 PM Report this
4
There are any number of open mike comedy nights in Portland. In downtown the Boiler Room has one on Monday, and the Brody Theater has another on Wednesday. As someone who has humiliated himself in front of a microphone, I can safely say that there are few things more nerve-wracking than standing in front of a crowd of people and trying to be funny.

Don't just send her to watch something or report on something. Make her do something uncomfortable. I'm sure Smirk could write a highly amusing piece about doing five minutes while sweating profusely and utterly dying under stage lights. The crowd might not laugh at her when she performs, but we certainly will when she writes about it.
Joe Streckert on July 26, 2011 at 2:00 PM Report this
5
Make her go to the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival!
mel on July 26, 2011 at 2:05 PM Report this
6
+1 #4.

Also, take away her bike and Tri-Met pass for a week, rent her a Humvee, and forbid her to carry any passengers or cargo larger than personal groceries.
Commenty Colin on July 26, 2011 at 2:07 PM Report this
7
I'm also frankly not sure Sarah Mirk can be made uncomfortable, but I guess that remains to be seen.
Commenty Colin on July 26, 2011 at 2:11 PM Report this
8
Oregon Tea Party's "Gathering of the Eagles" on August 6th:

http://www.gatheringoftheeagles.com/schedu…
bd on July 26, 2011 at 2:13 PM Report this
9
@bd

If they find out she's a reporter they'll probably try and tar and feather her. Seriously.
BlackedOut on July 26, 2011 at 2:14 PM Report this
10
My only complaint about this post is that no one has posted a corny pun yet.
s.mirk on July 26, 2011 at 2:19 PM Report this
11
I say we make Sarah wear a fat suit for a week.
Graham on July 26, 2011 at 2:24 PM Report this
12
Sarah's in luck. Tuesday the 9th just happens to be the 2011 Popeye's Chicken Night at my house. An annual event where dozens of immature, offensive, drunken slobs gather to eat hundreds of pieces of delicious Popeye's Fried Chicken, and drink 40's of malt liquor. I promise to do everything in my power (short of committing felonies) to make it an uncomfortable night for Ms. Mirk.
Anonymous503 on July 26, 2011 at 2:28 PM Report this
13
August 4th and 5th is the dangerous decibels workshop. Make her attend with headphones cranked all the way up. See : http://www.dangerousdecibels.org/education…
Number Six on July 26, 2011 at 2:32 PM Report this
14
Participate in annual Portland Miniature Schnauzer walk: http://www.pmsc2.org/walk.htm

Play pinochle against seniors at Wilsonville Community Center. 1-5 p.m. (every MWF)

Attend Clutterers Anonymous meeting in Beaverton.

Slayer/Rob Zombie, Aug. 6 at Rose Garden ...
manchvegas on July 26, 2011 at 2:33 PM Report this
15
Alternatively, make her go to the Ukulele festival in Oakridge on August 5th. Unless she plays Ukulele. http://www.oakridgehostel.com/events/ukule…
Number Six on July 26, 2011 at 2:35 PM Report this
16
I'd like to change my vote to the Tea Party Gathering of Eagles. I can't compete with that.
Anonymous503 on July 26, 2011 at 2:36 PM Report this
17
@Smirk: Elephant optometry seminar?*


*I REGRET NOTHING.
Ben Coleman on July 26, 2011 at 2:37 PM Report this
18
Motocross at Washougal :
www.washougalmxpk.com

Yes she can ride her bike to get there but must compete !
Rosy on July 26, 2011 at 2:39 PM Report this
19
Taking away her bike and bus pass for for a week is downright evil. I like it! The Tea Party event could also be suitably diabolical if she had to do something humiliating or potentially hazardous like hand out Obama stickers.

An appendage to my earlier suggestion: If she does go to an open mike, someone from the Merc should film it so we can all ridicule her mercilessly in the comments section.
Joe Streckert on July 26, 2011 at 2:42 PM Report this
20
oooh! Make her come to my kid's birthday (5&7) party on the 13th dressed in the corn outfit!! SO much cheaper than the pony I was thinking of renting. Although the pony drinks less...
McAngryPants on July 26, 2011 at 3:01 PM Report this
21
In case you didn't follow the Tea Party link, Herman Cain is keynoting the event. He's worth the price of admission.
bd on July 26, 2011 at 3:18 PM Report this
22
Send her to the Oregon Furry Festival!! Outside Bend, so a bit of a drive. Charcoal making lessons! Fur sewing workshops! Surrounded by lovers of anthropomorphic arts! Too cruel? Maybe. Only one way to find out...
http://campfiretails.org/2011/
ryopbr on July 26, 2011 at 4:50 PM Report this
23
Slayer and Rob Zombie. That way at least one girl will be there.
Cosmic Charlie on July 26, 2011 at 5:31 PM Report this
24
@ryobr - Wow! An Oregon furry fest campout. I didn't know we had one. I am now spiraling into reading their forums about wildlife safety: "I know there should be safety in numbers, but has there been any concern (or any measures taken) regarding the safety of campers in the case of the appearences of bears (the real kind), snakes, etc. or any potentially dangerous wildlife?"
s.mirk on July 26, 2011 at 6:48 PM Report this
25
@Sarah: Aw, shucks. I was offline, so I couldn't come up with any cornpone jokes with even a kernel of humor. By the way, can we get a full-length shot so we can see if you're wearing "silk" stockings?
Todd Mecklem on July 26, 2011 at 7:25 PM Report this
26
comforting Wu?
tabarnhart on July 26, 2011 at 7:34 PM Report this
27
That's settled then. Go to the furry campout, in the corn costume.
Stu on July 26, 2011 at 7:48 PM Report this
28
I vote for the Gathering of the Eagles, but just tell her it's the furries event and make her wear that gay unicorn costume.
gabriel amadeus on July 26, 2011 at 8:54 PM Report this
29
@Stu: You're heartless. Don't you know that some furry creatures EAT CORN??!?
Todd Mecklem on July 26, 2011 at 9:30 PM Report this
30
Gabe #28 suggestion wins by a long shot.
ERN on July 26, 2011 at 10:56 PM Report this
31
Does Sarah Mirk even get uncomfortable? She seems unflappable.
Fruit Cup on July 27, 2011 at 8:25 AM Report this
32
The Gathering of "Eagles" for sure.
Beer Batter on July 27, 2011 at 10:22 AM Report this
33
Sell Street Roots for a day? In the corn costume?
cat & beard on July 27, 2011 at 10:27 AM Report this
34
She could tell people she is EZRA ACE CARAFE... Humiliation will be her crown, An ear of corn her throne...
H U M I L i A T I O N
Britney Spears on July 27, 2011 at 6:58 PM Report this
35
Meet with an Army recruiter.
on July 29, 2011 at 6:32 AM Report this

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