I'm married to a local comedian. Sounds funny, but really isn't when the utility bills show up. (Write a joke about it, hubby.) The Merc would be my bible and Alison my Personal Jesus if I were able to escape yet another greasy, Monarch-in-the-well fueled dive bar dinner surrounded by drunken hacks stage-raging about how their parents ruined their love lives. (shudders)

I witnessed a variety of war crimes and survived various assassination attempts, gave up a rich and varied social life in Portland to make sure my friends were not endangered by their innocent friendliness, was recently tortured physically and psychologically by my government despite their trumpeting me as some kind of national hero this time last year, so basically, I'm very hungry right now.

I apparently once played a secret chord which pleased the lord, and you guys like music right? Also, I may be Michelle David's father but this hasn't been tested yet so it remains a mystery.

FEED ME SEYMOUR!

Poverty is no laughing matter.

Hello, my girlfriend and I just moved back to pdx from China. We sold all of our shit before we left, thinking we wouldn't be back. Well here we are back in Portland. I'm having trouble finding work and she's a foodie. This prize could totally get me some good loving. And maybe save valentines day as we know it.

My Babymama and I are done with this child rearing shit. Well, at least we need a night off. We need to get our drunk on, and give eachother sloppy handjobs in the back of the taxi on the way home. Hook it up Mayor of Blogtown.

I am a local comedian married to a psychotic, alcoholic, white trash elitist (yeah, try to figure that one out; took me years) who threatened to filet my boy parts in a way that would put Lorena Bobbit to shame if I don't post here under 100 different profile names in order to win this prize. Not the romantic, fresh, tasty dinner at a fine establishment, mind you - but the bottle of vodka.

Please preserve my manhood. I think even a cheap bottle of HRD would do the trick. Please.

If my dateless, broke ass doesn't get this, please give it to tripperdungan.
Thankfully I'm not technically dateless. My best friend's boyfriend's brother and I at least like each other enough to get nasty with it on occassion, so I'm dragging his goofy ass out. Make it worth it for us, and I'll make it worth it for you. Eh? Eh?

As the parent of a young toddler, every dinner out with my wife alone is precious and the food all the more tasty. With a dinner as exceptional as listed above, I can only imagine how special the night would be when paired with quiet conversation that doesn't revolve around trying to keep our son from wearing his dinner.

Valentines Day is my b-day & it has sucked every year. And since every guy I know is a loser broke ass looks like this year will suck too so being able to get drunk for free might make it better.

To continue my comments made in an earlier post:

TNG is the obvious choice from a design perspective. The Doctor's crudely constructed foes from days of yore (I am looking at you, Daleks) would fade into the background with the sets from TOS, while his updated adversaries (now to you, Cybermen) would look out of place. Both being older shows, updated for a new generation ("The Next" if you will), TNG is a natural pairing.

The same could be said RE a Doctor/DS9 crossover, but here I must stop you: How many times have we seen the Doctor stumble upon a space station in distress, or a colony menaced by the perils of ethic strife writ as alien species locked in prejudice and strife? Have those been the best Who stories? Or have they been the worst? I posit that the Doctor is at his prime when he is exploring the galaxy, indeed, one might easily say, when seeking out new life, new civilizations, exploring brave new worlds and lastly, friends, boldly going.

Where better to do so than on the bridge of the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-D)?

My lovely girlfriend just popped the question last week! Celebrations were in order so I cashed in all of our change, and for dinner we split a 6-pack of wheat beer. As a culinary student, you would think for valentines day I could whip up some sort of amazing dinner, but because I cannot find work, they (the man) has cut me off the food stamps. Now they require you work 20 hours a week to receive them. She doesn't have them anymore either because of her .30 raise at work. Still in the single digits for hourly. Cute right? Yea and the butt plug we have had sitting in the drawer for 6 months, dusty, neglected and unused, is calling her name. But not unless she is wined and dined. Mostly wined...Help me help myself!! LOVE! your local lezzie wannabefoodie....

I will admit that I am definitely not a Valentine's Day person. But I do find myself feeling a twinge of jealousy every year I see my friends who have romantic plans with their significant other or who get some sort of dumb gift from whoever. That being said, I AM a food and drink person and this would be a great way to spend v-day with a friend enjoying good food and drinks that I normally wouldn't afford. That way a) I won't be bitter and refuse to admit I wish I had a date and b) I get to treat a friend who also has no planned romantic whatever for v-day night. :)

I've never had a date on Valentine's Day. I save lives for a living. I'm listening to Elliott Smith. It's Friday night.

My fiancé and I have had two date nights since our baby was born in July. First, a Blazers game cut short by a phone call from the babysitter a.k.a. Grandma. Last, dinner at a mediocre chain restaurant a mile from our apartment, followed by a trip to the grocery store. WE.NEED.THIS.

Since my boyfriend and I are in the process of funneling all of our money into an upcoming August wedding, we have otherwise given up on spending a Valentine's Day doing anything other than sitting at home, cooking a mediocre dinner and watching the latest boring movie On Demand. We need a night out. We've been scraping our pennies together for months now, just so our friends can enjoy a vintage Pinot and an overpriced catered dinner at our wedding. I beg of you, let both of us have fun and enjoy a delicious meal so maybe the evening can end with both of us getting laid.

My husband and I had our first child this year, he lost his job a week later. We're totally in love but can't seem to find our spark with the water getting shut off and all. I miss the romantic dates we used to go on back when we had cash for it.

Plus my favorite chicken disappeared last night. I need some r and r.

With my husband being a first year teacher and myself working in a special ed classroom our romantic evenings involve passing silly kid drawings, exchanging war stories from school, and falling asleep at 9:00. We live a modestly cute life. It has been a long while since we've dressed up fancy, gone out on a date and really looked into each others eyes. This is my dream for valentines day.

I just moved across the country to Portland to get a Master's degree in special education. I do many other virtuous things for little or no money. It's hard to get to know a new city when you're scraping together change (this IS the free newspaper, after all), so I am in search of more opportunities to try new restaurants. Also, it will be easier to land a blind date when I tell him we are going to a prix fixe dinner with wine and cocktail pairings. Did I mention that I make baked goods and leave them on my friends' doorsteps/in the mail? What's your address?

I've been looking for work for over a year & nobody will hire me. Actually I wish this contest was for a job, because I would gladly take that over a nice dinner. But taking my girlfriend out for a romantic dinner would be a lovely surprise.

It seems like I go on the internet to find everything...hope, love, porn (not sure there's a difference between any of those). I have taken surveys to make some extra scratch, tried to donate my genetically poor eggs, attempted to get my boyfriend to donate his drug laden sperm...either they don't want them or give me reward points to get coffee mugs or fiber optic flower bouquets. I am not complaining really, but god could I use a good meal and some booze. Thank you for the glimmer of hope.

My fiance and I have been struggling, big time, for many many months. He finally landed a job, we were thrilled, and then, after a few calculations, we realized that he actually nets less money now than he did when he was on unemployment. Plus he commutes 60 miles each day in his fifteen year-old gas guzzler, and fuel costs alone eat up almost half his income. Trimet doesn't provide service to Washougal, those jerks.

We have been at each others' throats almost daily about splitting grocery bills ("wait, I paid for the toilet paper last week at Grocery Outlet!"), who sprung for the dog food last time, and how to politely decline each and every invitation we get to go out for drinks or a show with friends without letting on that we are flat-ass broke.

We are tense, exhausted, anxious, and supposedly getting married this summer. We are in such desperate need of a guilt-free and romantic night out that I almost didn't even bother writing this entry because I don't want to get my hopes up.

Oh my... I usually like to go at these things with the best sense of humor that I can. I feel like that is most oftentimes missing from these responses, but this time I'll go with the sad story. It's all true:

My ladyfriend is stressed out. Really stressed out. There is way too much on her shoulders. Besides the pile of work, which is enough as it is, in the past month lots has happened. She had a friend take his own life (a mere half year after losing another old friend the same way). Her grandfather just had a string of strokes. Her uncle (this same grandfather's son) is also dying. Her mother thinks she may have cancer. We recently moved (much added stress there) and the landlord, as landlords often do, is trying to rip us off for some hundreds of dollars that she owes us. We barely avoided breaking up this past month and we're trying hard to hang in there. Aaaand to top all of this off, the dog may ALSO have cancer.

I would not jinx myself by making all of this up to try to win a fancy dinner. I really need to do something nice this Valentine's day. I consider myself a sweet and loving guy in the now, though I do have a deficiency in the planning-something-nice-ahead-of-time department. I have not had much work come at me recently, and yesterday I found out that someone stole my bank or debit card information and somehow helped themselves to some Walmart purchases. Not helpful.

But the sob story is not for me. It's for my caring, honest and lovely lady who is always going out of her way to help other people and better herself. I am very lucky to have her want me as a partner and I want the best night for her that I can give her, because she deserves it 100%.

Thank you kindly...

#8 - I'm sure your wife is an extraordinarily gorgeous model-type MENSA member who would not otherwise make your acquaintance if you didn't have something amazing to offer in the sack...or whatever...

Because my lover and I so very much enjoy krogstad aquavit with our seasonal duck confit.

My wife works in a school and I work for a non-profit so we don't have a lot of extra cash laying around. Our plan is to get one of those crappy heart shaped pizzas that come out on St. Valentine's and watch a couple episodes of Workaholics... Please save us!

I would like to win this for a down on their luck couple. They are some friends that just moved here from the Midwest have been doing their best to make their way financially so they don't have to move back to Nebraska.
They are working very hard and have had little success, but are still here and I feel like they could really use this. They love it here and I really want to get them something to keep them motivated.

One of my very best girlfriends of at least 10 years has been living in AZ. She is moving back to Seattle and will be in Portland for the week of Valentines. Us two single girls are spending V-day together. She is a veggie and it was next to impossible to find a dinner spot that night for us that was on the cheap but still cute & Portland, so we were going to wing it w/ happy hours downtown. I am i the first year of owning a small business and am never certain if and when i can pay myself. This evening at Central sounds perfect.

My partner spent most of our hard earned cash on organic produce at the beginning of the month. That fed us for, like, five days. Now we eat beans everyday. Literally. I'm trying to salvage this situation by changing the monotony for the rest of the month. It would be greatly appreciated.

Give it to me because I'm a broke clerk maquerading as a freelance artist (neither of which pay for shit anyhow), valentines day is me and the wife's 3 year anniversary, and we really need a date night where we don't stress out about money. Needless to say, this would also save me from having to look like a total idiot for once!

I have never been out to eat on Valentine's day.

I used to be an artist (read: waitress), and Valentine's day was mandatory-work. Not even a note from your doctor alleging Ebola was getting you out of working on amateur night, with the charming couples who have never been out to eat in their lives...ever...expecting the BEST NIGHT EVER.

One charming youngster asked me to try to make things perfect -- and make the cocktails extra potent -- because if his date wasn't blissed-out (and hammered) by the experience, he wouldn't get to lose his virginity. Um... maybe date-raping isn't the way to go on that, buddy...

One young couple protested that the macaroni and cheese I served their young human was too real (read: not Kraft, actually cheese-and-noodles); when I reached to take it away, they encouraged kidlet to spit out what was in its mouth into my hand (which it did). Yummy.

One gentleman asked his blind date (their first, and last, I assume) about six times whether she was ready to have kids. She finally said: "Do you mean, like, NOW?"

The ones who GOT along were worse. Oh please, if they ever invent brain bleach, help me wash off the images of the 60-somethings manually pleasuring each other under the table. Just because YOU can't see under the table doesn't mean that I cant, as I approach, you know?

And it's downright awkward when, post-proposal, it's painfully clear that the ring just ain't up to expectations. That "we can go shopping for something you REALLY like" conversation just doesn't bode well, and the tips just suck, since the ring-giver ALWAYS knows he/she is gonna be eating ramen for the next 3 months to make up the money difference between the lusted-after ring. I always wanted to just hold up the sign that said "RUN AWAY!" right then.

I admit I was an angry server. The cooks were angry cooks that night, too. We got yelled at, spit on, treated like garbage and basically responded in kind, in a way that just didn't happen the other 364 days a year when 100% of the people in the restaurant weren't narcissistically obsessed with their own relationships.

So it's been almost ten years since I worked in a restaurant and had to work on amateur night, and I've never experienced it as a customer. I would love the opportunity to be nice to a server, to tip ridiculously since I'm enjoying a free meal, and to make the restaurant staff remember at least ONE nice couple when they write their own memoirs about the worst foodservice holiday ever.

At the end of Summer (our five month anniversary is one day shy of Valentine's) I met the first guy who started me on thinking about a future together. Since we met, we've seen each other almost every day. It'd be lovely to take more advantage of our honeymoon period with various dates, but both of us are broker-than-broke college students with especially busy terms, so most of our dates are studying until our brains can only handle netflix.

A couple months ago I found out that he'll be moving in September to continue his schooling outside of Portland. This has been a definite stresser. There shouldn't be stressers yet! Needless to say, well, I'm throwing it in anyway - I need to lure this guy in with more than my inventive microwave cooking skills.

He does sweet and thoughtful things for me all the time - a real gentleman - and there are only so many crafts a girl can make before she really just needs to wow a guy right. I'd love to be able to take him out for a luxe dinner and dress up in something special. You know, like bedazzled sweatpants.

No, really, this wouldn't be wasted. I love him and I'd love to be able to offer him an escape from the stress and, well, the kind of romantic gesture we just can't afford otherwise.

Before dinner I'll get ready using the department-store method. Find a perfume I like and spritz, making sure to ask for a sample so that I can powder my nose later on, visit the makeup counter. Then I'll buy an expensive dress on credit, leaving the tag in. I'll take public transit until I'm about two blocks away and then grab a cab the rest of the way there. After my boyfriend and I have delicately nibbled at the three courses and left the drinks dry, I'll stand up and proceed to make it rain with all the money I saved.

I managed to get myself fired from a government job I'd had for 6 1/2 years (I was not in the union), land in the mental hospital, and then I went to a bipolar support group. I opened up and cried and yelled at the group for not laughlng at my jokes. A real train wreck. Then this guy came over and gave me his email address is if ever wanted to do "something". I got hit on after having a meltdown at a support group!
We're both unemployed, the van he bought for a dollar (it ran for a year) just died, and it turns out he was misdiagnosed and he's not even bipolar after all! We don't know what he is, other than diagnosed adorable. I truly love this man and would love to finally eat out at a place where I can doll up and he can wear a tie.

I am married to the most wonderful man that I have ever met. He, unfortunately, got seriously injured at work in August of 2010. He has a disk herniation & has had one major back surgery, leaving him partially disabled. He hasn't been able to work since. He is hoping to have another surgery, but is waiting for his employer's workers' compensation agency to approve it. We can't really do anything, as he can't walk/sit/stand, etc. for more than an hour at a time. (Just going to the Coast from PDX is too much for him!) He's experienced major depression because of this. His depression is only worsened by the fact that he hasn't been able to work, & we're broke all of the time. (I work full time, but we barely make ends meet.) It would be so nice to have a memorable dinner together, especially one that we didn't have to worry about paying for. He's such a sweet guy & has been dealt such an unfair hand. I'd love to be able to give him a little something special, to let him know that the world is still kind, even in little ways.

My wife and I are two broke dykes that have a cat. we bust our ass in jobs we hate and when we're not working we dj parties for our community and cook meals for our friends. Our normal plan for v-day was to go to a scuzzy hotel and nail each other like gross dykes do.

However; our cat literally ripped his taint while playing outside. He's had no other health problems but obviously we would be terrible cat moms if we let our 20 lb tabby go around with a bleeding taint. SO- we scrapped up all of our money that we have made in the past 2 weeks to pay for our cat to get his taint sewed up and he's undergoing surgery today.

Basically, we want a nice dinner where we can just go home an nail each other instead of worrying about our cats taint.

Thanks!

Someone needs to make a 100 person AWESOME DINNER for everyone on this list.

I wish I was that someone.

My boyfriend and I have had mirror opposite work schedules for the past year, meaning most of our "together" time has been falling asleep to something we're watching on the internet or walking to get a quick coffee in between work. Last week, he was laid off at the job he has had for over 12 years. Now that we can actually spend time together, we can't afford to do anything. He's been selling most of his things to make ends meet and taking on another roommate (giving his room up and sleeping in the basement) so rent will be cheaper. He eats canned chili pretty much daily and is worried for the future. I'd love the opportunity to have a night out with him and cheer him up.

For those in relationships, it's like a compulsory date night. I appreciate society telling me to spend some quality time showering my significant other with attention and love. Way to go, society! Also, I love Central and my honey does, too. ;)

The BF is a chocolatier. Like owns his own business, busts his cute behind beyond exhaustion just to sorta-maybe break even, so when it comes time to be with his loving partner, he's pretty much just passed out. This happens with every holiday, so that while folks are enjoying their chocolatey gifts on Christmas or Mother's Day, I'm quietly watching repeats of "Louie" on my laptop while he sleeps.

A night out like this would be sweeter than having a chocolatier as a boyfriend.

I just started dating this wonderful guy in the last few months (turns out there are a few left out there!) and while I don't think either of us are particularly into Valentines day, we both LOVE sharing a delicious meal. It would be awesome to have a nice, romanic, super tasty dinner in which we don't have to figure which bill to put off til next month! I'm pretty sure that this would be just the thing and could turn a darn good first few months of hanging out into a darn good next few years of hanging out as it seem like food is the key to both of our hearts. And to top it off we are both fun to be around, so we'd make great additions to the event! Cheers!

The best part about Central, the few times I've felt secure enough to spend what precious little cash I saved to go there for a cocktail, is the social policy that lone females are not to be approached by strangers. We are allowed to sit in silence, in a beautiful environment, and treat ourselves, for a few lovely strung-together moments, as we deserve to be treated.

The joy of these precious few evenings I've gifted myself at Central have sometimes moved me to tears.

My heart is currently too fragile for this world to have any kind of date or significant other. Love has not been kind to me. I haven't had the means or the confidence to go to Central in over a year. I would, however, be so grateful to be able to treat myself to a Valentine's dinner worthy of the occasion. (And I could certainly find a most grateful and financially challenged unsuspecting friend or roommate to share in this joy, if a party of two is a requirement.) <3

Its ironic how the "most romantic" day of the year happens to fall RIGHT after the most expensive (Christmas, new years). My Boyfriend and i have tried to save for valentines day, but after the holidays we are beyond broke. we have NEVER been able to do ANYTHING on valentines day. this year, i wrote 100 things i loved about him, and put a free valentine in the Mercury... But a romantic dinner... would be.... welll i would be speechless and so would he. My valentine is the most amazing man, he has taken my family in to live with us, Had 4 screws and a plate put in his hand, and still works his fingers to the bone. and gives every last penny to somebody else. he deserves to have a stress free dinner... and i wish i could give it to him... wth your help i could!!! Please pick us! we are poor, broke, and all the above, and with all of the stresses in life a free dinner would be just what the doctor ordered! Thank you for the opportunity to share our little story... even the thought of this prize has my skin crawling!! PICK ME PICK ME!!!!! Pretty please with cherries and whipped cream and sprinkles!!! =)

this is the broke dyke again! totes just picked up my cat from the pet hospital. turns out his asshole, taint, and dick are fucked up. dudes, he's got stitches. and medicine. and a silly collar that makes him throw his high-as-shit body against the wall.

let me and my lady go out to eat so we can stop fretting about the only thing that will come close to a child for us.

My wife and are both school teachers. We were lucky that she was able to get hired on FT, but I haven't been as lucky, so I'm subbing as much as I can. Which has really sucked this year.

We don't go out to often because of our limited budget. So I thought I would give this a go and see where it takes us. It'd be great to try a new restaurant with my wife on Valentines Day.

#28 - While my wife is indeed a stunner, I would hope she understood the irony of belonging to an organization of "geniuses" who use an acronym that is Spanish slang for "stupid bitch." My laying pipe becomes void should I lose said pipe, so I am hoping that the Merc will come through on this one.

#63 - I'm sure your wife, having a relative handle on both the irony of her membership AND the Spanish language, often thinks about what a stupid bitch move it was to marry you in the first place. It is with no small amount of gratitude that she married you POST-vasectomy. I offer that this small detail be the number ONE reason she deserves said dinner.

My husband is a commercial fisherman and his schedule is WACK! We can never plan date nights! He missed New Years Eve and our anniversary this year and might miss my upcoming birthday but he's on his way home now from the coast and will be here for Valentine's Day! I would love to surprise him with this dinner! Crab season is not good this year so we are not flush with a lot of money....

#64 – And I offer that it is WAY too early on a WORK DAY for you to already be hammered, honey. You are so lucky I’m in love with you.

#67 – STFU, a-hole. Also, I love you too. If we don’t win I’ll still get hammered enough on Boones Farm to give you a V-Day BJ.

Well, in the 21 Valentine's Days I have existed on this planet, I have had exactly 0 Valentine's dates. To top it off I am an LMT at a spa that caters to couples treatments. While all the people I work on get all relaxed and enjoy brie and crackers, truffles, champagne and wine, I get worn out from trying to make their experience a happy one, even when they have bad B.O.. So after having worked five days in a row on top of school, and completing my umpteenth couples massage tomorrow night I would love to get a little wasted and have more than whatever I find lying in my fridge for dinner. Please have mercy on me. Oh, and if it matters to you at all, I am actually born and raised in Portland, and not a transplant like most of the people you run into around town these days.

#68 - Nobody wants to hear about that on the internet, honey.

#70 –That’s not what my checking account says, dear.

A haiku:

Met this cute boy who's
really fucking dreamy and
I want to get laid.

My boyfriend and I never go out for Valentine's Day -- this will be our third together -- usually he'll make dinner and we'll be lovey-dovey. I'm extremely grateful for that. But I'd suuure like a night out. And I know he would, too. We live together, but his income is a lot less than mine. It would make me happier to win this for him than it would for us. But I'd still attempt a cartwheel while screaming happily if I win!

Oh, the angsty whinging of the young. You may be broke and stressed, but at least you have a sex life. To truly violate the corpse of St. Valentine, you need to be married at least 20 years, middle-aged, in couples therapy, and no longer attractive enough to even fantasize about cheating on your mate. At least we have a shared appreciation of a fine meal and the hopes of imbibing enough to make us forget the monotony of monogamous love.

I was dating the love of my life
Dumped me cold and filled me with strife
Thought I'd never love again
But then I saw my roommate Ben
Shirtless dancing at our house party
Aflutter went my little frozen hearty

We just hooked up and I'm filled with hope
That he'll see my feelings aren't a joke
Maybe if I can take him out to eat
With each other again we will sleep
Maybe there's even something more there
Please with me this prize will you share?

(Thank you. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.)

(And to rhyme.)