That's easy peasy caffeine squeezy ... the good old-fashioned coffee enema! Simply put a 16-ounce jar of Folgers Crytals into 2 quarts of warm water, put same into an enema bag, mix well, recline in a friend's bathtub, insert nozzle, squeeze bag and wait. Just remember the old jingle: "The best part of waking up is Folgers up yer butt." (PS: Don't forget to check I,A periodically for the soon-to-arrive "My Friend Shat All Over My Bathroom And Ran" posting.)
don't forget to wash your hands.