Blogs Mar 14, 2013 at 12:29 pm

Dirk VanderHart: A Primer. By Dirk VanderHart

Dirk VanderHart
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Comments

1
WELCOME TO THE MERCURY...

I GUESS YOU CAN'T BE ANY WORSE THAN MATT DAVIS (BUT FEEL FREE TO PROVE ME WRONG).

NOW, STFU AND GBTW
Graham on March 14, 2013 at 12:38 PM Report this
2
Yay! Another bearded hipster with 1950's eyeglasses has moved here. Bikes! Mcbarf
on March 14, 2013 at 12:44 PM Report this
3
Can I call you Sarah Dirk? I don't like change.
on March 14, 2013 at 12:49 PM Report this
4
Bikes!

You'll fit right in.
Blabby on March 14, 2013 at 12:54 PM Report this
5
@Joneser: Sure. I'd like that.
Dirk VanderHart on March 14, 2013 at 12:58 PM Report this
6
Welcome aboard, Dirk VanderHart!

You have no idea how many times I e-mailed Steve to say, "FIRE SARAH MIRK AND HIRE SOMEONE NAMED LIKE A DUTCH CARE BEAR."
Commenty Colin on March 14, 2013 at 1:29 PM Report this
7
WHO'S SARAH MIRK? THE LAST MERC STAFFER WHOSE NAME I CAN REMEMBER WAS PHIL BUSSE.
Drunk & Write on March 14, 2013 at 1:35 PM Report this
8
DUTCH CARE BEARS!

Willem van Carealoo

Klaas de Grootluck

Hieronymus Funshine
cat & beard on March 14, 2013 at 1:44 PM Report this
9
JENS FUNDERDOOK

DIEDERICK VANDERHUGS

JOOP STARGROOS
Drunk & Write on March 14, 2013 at 1:54 PM Report this
10
Yer not my real dad!
(runs out of room)
on March 14, 2013 at 2:01 PM Report this
11
On some level, I think we all knew this thread would end up with naming foreign care bears.
Blabby on March 14, 2013 at 2:03 PM Report this
12
Who did you write for in DC? I still miss the CityPaper...
tommyspoon on March 14, 2013 at 2:09 PM Report this
13
SO HOW TALL IS DUTCH DICK PANEERPANTS? IS HE MARRIED? SINGLE? GAY? TOP? BOTTOM?!? WHAT'S YOUR OkC PROFILE NAME? GRINDR? CUT OR UNCUT? THIS PRIMER WAS BULLSHIT AND UNFULFILLING.
Graham on March 14, 2013 at 2:24 PM Report this
14
I demand more Dutch Carebears. That's what I came here to see, and God be damned if I'm not going to get my fill.
Fruit Cup on March 14, 2013 at 2:30 PM Report this
15
So you've written a little for The Oregonian and have wrangled hundreds of wannabe pop stars. That's all fine and good, but how are you at making poo-poo and pee-pee jokes?

You need to know some good poo-poo and pee-pee jokes to sail around here, Dirk. Now d-up and lower your brow.
human in training on March 14, 2013 at 2:31 PM Report this
16
Just what the Mercury needs -- a quality Oregonian reporter. Oh wait, they don't have any anymore. In that case -- welcome!
Paul Cone on March 14, 2013 at 2:33 PM Report this
17
BOLT VANDERHUGE
PUNCH ROCKGROIN
GRISTLE MCTHORNBODY
SLAB SQUATTHRUST
BLAST HARDCHEESE
theterminizer on March 14, 2013 at 2:34 PM Report this
18
Need someone to animate this because I'm lazy and/or stupid:

http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/3/35891…
Fruit Cup on March 14, 2013 at 2:36 PM Report this
19
@FRUIT CUP: HOW'S THIS TREAT YA? http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/dirk%20the%20…
Graham on March 14, 2013 at 2:43 PM Report this
20
Smirk was a KJ? I...someone get me up to speed.
Kiala Kazebee on March 14, 2013 at 2:49 PM Report this
21
Graham, you wonderful and awesome man (that also has Google and knows how to use the Tumblr maybe). Thanks!

Also: Suck it Dirk! This is how I think of you! Enjoy your hazing process! I like your glasses!
Fruit Cup on March 14, 2013 at 2:50 PM Report this
22
"Listen, I know people liked Sarah Mirk around here..."

Wha?? Who? She was better than Davis, sure, but that's like saying a double amputation is better than cancer.

I kid. Mostly. Kidding aside: welcome and good luck.
Mike Tyson on March 14, 2013 at 4:08 PM Report this
23
Dirk! You said the magic word. Where did/do you KJ?
Ginny on March 14, 2013 at 4:28 PM Report this
24
Where did you work in DC??
Zibby Pillote on March 14, 2013 at 5:24 PM Report this
25
For the record, I'm entirely comfortable with the tenor of this conversation.

@Zibby: I wrote for the Houston Chronicle bureau there. About Texas things.

@Ginny: Good places! But it feels too much like shilling shouting them out on here.
Dirk VanderHart on March 14, 2013 at 5:47 PM Report this
26
DO YOU KNOW MY BOY JASON IN DC?
Drunk & Write on March 14, 2013 at 5:59 PM Report this
27
@Fruit Cup @Graham @all: Speaking of Dragon's Lair, the first "Tropes vs Women: Video Games" has been posted, and the topic is the "damsel in distress." It's an awesome series and everyone should watch it:

http://www.feministfrequency.com/2013/03/d…

Oh and hi Dirk!!
foxiesocks on March 14, 2013 at 8:31 PM Report this
28
first off: fuck you.
Chunty McHutchence on March 14, 2013 at 10:31 PM Report this
29
Dirk. Secrets don't make friends. Spill it. You don't have to shill it.
This is honestly the only thing in your so-called "primer" that I care about. I am so curious that I am going to go ahead and make a silly threat: if you DON'T tell us, and I find you KJing somewhere, I swear to god I will sing Don't Stop Believing. (And I will try not to do an awesome job).
Ginny on March 15, 2013 at 3:44 PM Report this

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