"More than 300 less." Brilliant. Just brilliant.

ULOCKS people, please. With cable locks you may as well tie your bike up with ribbon.

Well-taken bgi: FEWER. Otherwise, yeah, I'm pretty proud of that.

Merc Dirk's Mirk Work!

Numbnuts: "Yeah, i'll take that $1,200 periwinkle-blue Kona, please."

Clerk: "Will that be all for you, sir?"

Numbnuts: "Umm, no. Let's throw in a $20 cable lock, too, please."

Clerk: "Okaaaaay. You know, experts advise that one should spend at least 10-20% of the value of the bike on a lock -- better safe than sorry, you know?"

Numbnuts: "Nah, i'll keep an eye on it."

Clerk: Alright. How about some lights then? Or a free map that shows you better/safer streets to ride down than, say, E. Burnside?"

Numbnuts: "Nah, reflectors are good enough; And i've been driving here for almost 2 years -- I know all the best biking roads. And it's perfectly legal to ride down E. Burnside, by the way -- Ankeny is for pussies and apologists."

Clerk: "Yes, sir. Thank you very much. Have a nice day."

---------------

Bike Thief (at home on the couch, sipping on a nice Cabernet): "Since when did they start offering these in periwinkle-blue?"

BIKE THIEVES ARE WORSE THAN LENA DUNHAM.

FWIW, BikePortland reports listings for stolen bikes went UP last year:
https://twitter.com/BikePortland/status/34…